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The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business
Caregivers | Last Active: Oct 30 12:21pm | Replies (165)Comment receiving replies
Ok .. here goes .. I have nothing like the problems that so many of you on the forum are dealing with which makes me feel grateful, and also feel like a whiner. But today I lost it with my husband. He’s 84 with multiple health issues and not as mentally “with it” but I don’t think he is experiencing MCI. But he still thinks he can fix things that are beyond repair, and is trying to keep a business afloat with our dysfunctional son. I’ve been trying to clear up the piles of paper that are filling the house by trying to organize and file them .. which I have been urging him to do for ages. To say nothing of a broken food processor on our dining table, and removing the toilet “riser” that we no longer need since our 94-year-old sister-in-law who periodically stayed with us has recently passed. But there are always reasons for why he can’t .. and I suspect won’t do these things. He’d rather muddle around, waiting for the stars to align so that he can call the PT person to work on his physical limitations, for when he has finished the book he is reading, instead of tackling things that might actually enable him to function better.
Sorry to vent when I know my life is many more times better than a lot of people, for whom I have the utmost admiration, and I only wish I would have 1% of their patience and understanding.
Peace to all!
Replies to "Ok .. here goes .. I have nothing like the problems that so many of you..."
@lcl44: It's okay to post in this group, even if it seems what you're dealing with is not as dire and difficult as what others are going through. For me, it IS a chance to vent, give outward expression of long pent-up repression of inward thoughts & feelings which are shameful to admit to. This a safe spot to do this--much better than "venting" on the person you're caring for. And then, I don't think it's so good either to vent with friends or family members looking in from the outside, who may have decades of mixed feelings about their relationship with me. Sometimes their interest can feel like schadenfreud. To protect myself, I need to maintain my reputation for stability, even-handedness, generosity, etc. So this is a safe space to let go of the less admirable stuff.
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@lcl44
I feel your pain - my husband has always been a procrastinator (to my frustration), but he is talented and would eventually get the job done sooner or later. Now, in his mid-80's, with moderate dementia, he realizes he can't do it all. His last attempt was replacing a valve in the kitchen sink - after a few fruitless days at this, with parts all over and no kitchen water, he finally agreed to call a plumber and - presto - we have a new modern kitchen faucet (plus a big bill, but you can't take it with you).
My husband was never a reader so he sits on the couch with the t.v. going - he used to be a tennis enthusiast but you can only watch so many of those reruns until it gets boring. His other time-filler is looking at his pictures on his cell phone - he has a lot of them, and they help him recall people and events.