Hi Soc2,
How awful you are having these issues! That must be very hard to deal with. It's good that you are seeing a doctor and possibly more than one. It does sound like menopause but it also may be something else besides the menopause. I'm 79 and thankfully am through with menopause. I went through it without any medication. I react badly to a lot of medications so I didn't want to take a chance. What helped me was drinking a lot of water and orange juice. Also eating regular healthy meals and getting enough sleep. You sometimes have to just deal with some of the symptoms like hot flashes. When you get hot flashes, just go outside. It works! They go away in minutes when you do that.
Prayer also helps. God made you and he can fix you or at least help you get through what is natural for women. I will say a prayer for you.
I wish you the best.
PML