How do you cope with the memory yo yo?

as someone dealing with this but in my case it is cancer in the brain there are lucid times. the brain is tricky so it might be meeting him where he is at in the moment. I know easier said then done

My husband is the same. At one point I thought he was getting better the a couple of days later it would revert. I know now just to go with the flow. At times he knows who I am. Then a few minutes later he thinks I am the housekeeper. He’ll ask me if I know his wife. That’s when I accept my new persona. I find it easier than going through a long conversation on reality vs what he thinks.

@wmehan You are correct-this is the way. Reorienting is not productive when there is a certain amount of brain damage. I had some fascinating conversations with my dad about his daughter (me) when he thought I was someone else. One of those was the first time he told me that he loved “her” and was so proud of “her”. I bawled for a week in private. Rats, I’m bawling now Miss you dad!

@deniae dealing with the same thing. Send a prayer and a hug.

@janna22
It was difficult to do since you think one is being deceitful but it is less stressful to just agree. I had the same experience with my husband he told me not to worry his wife is very good in getting things done. How proud he was of her.

@medott I’m sorry that you’re feeling like you’re at the end of your rope. If you’re able to leave him for a little while, find an in person support group. If not, there are some good virtual support groups. I’m still feeling my way around for those. I went straight to my local hospital to track down social services to track down a support group and wala, found one. We’re here for you.
Oh! Try breathing exercises, too. They aren’t miracles, but it can distract you a little. Breath in 4 count, hold 4, out 4 and hold 4, repeat.

The “in and out of reality” is so frustrating! Against advice, I do try to straighten my husband out and eventually he comes back to his senses. I do this because he has begged me to keep him straight and he knows, when in reality, that he has a serious problem.

How do you cope?
First, give yourself a break. Frustration and aggravation are going to happen.
Second, try to accept the reality that the situation is fluid. At some point it may or may not stabilize. Letting go of "how he used to be" and accepting the "new him" and the "new you" , even though he is up and down and sideways at times, will help you a long ways toward coping.
Third, find others - as you have on this forum/site who understand and are also on the journey you are navigating.

Good luck, hang in there, and may God keep you sane.

I cope by taking things one day at a time. Everyday I pray he will have a good day. Sometimes he does and life seems almost normal and other days he does not and life can be hard… like when he is listening more to the voices in his head than to me, or when he believes someone is coming into our home and stealing everything we have, or when he has sorted through his things so many times and can’t find anything because he has hidden everything but cannot remember where or claims those items have been stolen…I try really hard on his bad days to keep him grounded by reminding him of how much I love him and letting know I will always be there to help him through the hard days. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a saint. I have been angry and lashed out at him and felt so terrible afterwards. Tears have been shed by both of us. This is a hard journey, but I know in my heart if our roles were reversed he would be there for me just as I am for him.
I have gotten involved with a support group and that has been very helpful to me. I had been keeping so much inside of me only letting out some things. I now, as a result of the group, find I can talk more easily about my husband’s Alzheimer’s/Dementia to others and that has helped me tremendously. It helps to know you are not in this by yourself. I highly recommend it.

One of my favorite stories was from a friend of mine whose hubby had Parkinson's and some of the dementia that goes with it. And day he asked her who she was. She replied " I'm your wife!" His answer was you can't be my wife. She asked why. He told her " my wife is much prettier than you." Fortunately she too had a good chuckle over this.