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Caregivers Eat Cold Chicken

Posted by schmidty1212 @schmidty1212, Oct 2, 2025

I always thought if I ever became a writer, a good first book would be about my experiences as a caregiver and the title would be, "Caregivers Eat Cold Chicken." I thought of it when one of my friends commented, "I can't imagine what you must go through " and it just so happened that we had just finished dinner. While one can never truly explain with words, I thought that was the perfect metaphor. I said, "Well, you Eat a lot of Cold chicken." My friend laughed and said, "Huh? What do you mean?" I said, "Well, I'll give you an example. Just tonight, I went to the grocery store, picked up a rotisserie chicken, and we ate the chicken, corn-on-the-cob, and salad. I made my mother-in-law a plate, then my wife. She had some swelling in her feet and calves and was very uncomfortable so she asked me to rub her legs and feet with lotion as it provides some small relief for her. Then I went to grab her medicine, top off her water, help my mother in law put her show on TV because the remote is difficult for her, and so on. So, by the time I get to my plate I'm eating cold chicken. So, that's what it's like to be a caregiver. Caregivers eat cold chicken. " That's sort of been my way of explaining to people. I like it because it's a way of explaining in a way that makes people laugh instead of in a "woah is me" type of way because you have to keep laughing in order to gt through it.

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phx611 | @phx611 | Oct 9, 2025
In reply to @crabby55 "It is so interesting for me to read about caregivers. I didn't really recognize that role..." + (show)
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It is so interesting for me to read about caregivers. I didn't really recognize that role in myself and my husband certainly doesn't think I do any caregiving. He has severe depression, which he has had 10 years now, since he retired. He does less and less, barely getting himself out of bed. He has structured his life so there is no decent time to get things done or help. He sleeps until 3 pm. It takes him a while to truly take up. He stays up all night long watching TV. Meanwhile I just retired. When I worked I had work, the house and the yard to care for. Granted he does do laundry and used to do grocery shopping but even that is not routine now and he can't be counted on. It is so difficult because when he worked he was very helpful, responsible and logical. Now his logic is according to him. I always said he was a true southern gentleman. Now with depression he can only think of himself. He basically no longer communicates and appears to find it an imposition when I try to discuss anything with him. He has tried various modalities to treat his depression but nothing truly works. I say he is married to his depression. It gets difficult feeling like I am responsible to hold the world up to make his life easier. He does not take any steps to make his life better [or of course, to see the pressure or impact that has on me.] At least now retired I have more time. I am quite independent so it is hard for hubby to see his impact. He makes no requests on me. I do take vacations with friends and family [generally without him], have friends I go out and do things with, spend time with my daughter and young grandson, exercise regularly etc. The burden is heavy as I read all of your stories. It does make me see how much of a caregiver I am yet I guess like most of you, this isn't the role you'd have ever thought you'd be in.

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@crabby55 I've dealt with this in my past, a partner with severe depression. I wish I had some answers. Exercise and sports helped me a great deal. Anyway, I have a lot of empathy for you.

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schmidty1212 | @schmidty1212 | Oct 10, 2025

@crabby55 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I echo previous comments that I have no answers or advice because I don't know exactly what you're going through but I hope you keep trying and don't give up. Depression is the worst because you can't see what needs to be fixed and the person needs to want help. So different than a physical injury where you can visualize what progress looks like. Use us for a sounding board whenever you need to vent. Hang in there my friend.

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crabby55 | @crabby55 | Oct 11, 2025

Thanks for kind words. Yes, exercise does help. I'm 70 years old but do run 3.5 miles a day at 5:30 am with a neighbor. We've done this for years. Since retiring in May I now have the time to be more regular for another 45 min of weight training at the gym.

Putting it out there once in a while helps along with your empathy.

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