Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection

I understand what you are saying. I almost died when I was 21 from swine flu and spent months in the ICU and hospital. When I got out, I had trouble connecting to life. All I could think about was the near death experience I'd had (classic--leaving my body, white light etc.). I was just an ordinary college student, and the experience was too much for me. It took me years--at least a decade--to try and incorporate it and start caring about life. My first husband died when I was 41, which might have had a similar effect but our daughter was six and I was suddenly a single mom. Now I'm 71, long remarried, a grandma, with serious breast cancer. So I kind of ping pong between states--awareness of death, appreciation of life. It can be tiring! I'll give a little mini list of what helps me, on the chance something here appeals to you. OK--individual therapy (to get more grounded), Death Cafe (there is an in-person one here but many towns have them), journaling and other writing, meditation and meditative things like walking in nature, reading about death (I like WHO DIES? by Stephen Levine) and being here on Connect where conversation is real. Do you think the "fear" can be turned more into a friendly awareness? And do you have any advice on the topic?

@mir123

What is Death Cafe ?

Volunteer work helps keep me connected. There's the young people that I'm helping of course, but also becoming friends with the other volunteers and then discovering some common interests with some of them.

I've also kept my technology skills very current and still play video games so I enjoy playing online with people of all age groups, often my nephews, but I'm probably the oldest person still playing.

@carolynhughes75
A Death Cafe is an informal discussion on the topic of death. Where I live there is one every Tuesday lunch hour at a downtown cafe where you can get lunch or a hot drink. It is facilitated by someone with some training in the field, but not a therapist or anything. It's just a round table--people chat about what is on their minds. I was also on an international one on zoom for artists who presented their death-themed work with discussion. I think your public librarian could direct you to both local ones and on-line ones. This isn't like a grief group with a trained facilitator, but for me it kind of normalized the conversations around death. Thanks for asking! Actually I think a group of friends could do one, or a community center.

@carolynhughes75
A Death Cafe is an informal discussion on the topic of death. Where I live there is one every Tuesday lunch hour at a downtown cafe where you can get lunch or a hot drink. It is facilitated by someone with some training in the field, but not a therapist or anything. It's just a round table--people chat about what is on their minds. I was also on an international one on zoom for artists who presented their death-themed work with discussion. I think your public librarian could direct you to both local ones and on-line ones. This isn't like a grief group with a trained facilitator, but for me it kind of normalized the conversations around death. Thanks for asking! Actually I think a group of friends could do one, or a community center.

@carolynhughes75
A Death Cafe is an informal discussion on the topic of death. Where I live there is one every Tuesday lunch hour at a downtown cafe where you can get lunch or a hot drink. It is facilitated by someone with some training in the field, but not a therapist or anything. It's just a round table--people chat about what is on their minds. I was also on an international one on zoom for artists who presented their death-themed work with discussion. I think your public librarian could direct you to both local ones and on-line ones. This isn't like a grief group with a trained facilitator, but for me it kind of normalized the conversations around death. Thanks for asking! Actually I think a group of friends could do one, or a community center.

Yeah, you sound like me! I just enjoy doing everything solo because I open my mouth and insert my foot. Generally, most people dislike me. I never learned how to be "female" properly. Smile, smile, smile and bury your rage! I'm too blunt and cynical and these are not traits most people enjoy. I just no longer care because what gets me through is knowing that underneath my crusty exterior, I'm an ok human. I'm nice to animals and the elderly. I have manners. I don't commit crimes. I'm nothing special, but no one else is either.

I'm 80,:widowed since 2018 and live alone. I miss my husband of 56 years. We have 7 grown children who live in the same city I live in and I hear from all of them some every night to say goodnight and others at least 3 times a week and see them at least two or three times a month, holidays, etc But, I like living taking care and doing things myself. I have decent health, take the BP meds, and have same complaints about not finding decent communication skills from medical doctors so I make my own decisions on what's good for me. The closest relationships I have besides my kids, are those with other "shoppers", lol, at my small community like Walmart, local stores, park, etc. I go when a lot of other people my age, but even young people like stay at home moms or dads are there while other people are at work or school. These people that shop or walk when I do are the ones that will stop and start a chat about simple stuff and 30 minutes later in the middle of an aisle or walking trail we will be solving the problems of the world or our personal issues and happy silly stuff. That's where you find people who are strangers yet care about me and I care about them. I may not ever see them again or maybe here and there. I haven't been to my church close to a year when I've been a member for 11 years. It's like people, not all, including the pastor and staff, are in cliques. I've volunteered in activities for a few years, been in a group settings, pastor saw my husband in the hospital, did my husband's memorial, and yet hell walk right past me otherwise. So, long winded as I am in this post, the interaction with other people has been from strangers and walking away with the feeling of joy and hearing them, caring what they say and feeling a connection.

@robal19 So true about " the interaction with other people has been from strangers and walking away with the feeling of joy and hearing them, caring what they say and feeling a connection."
I am 83 this month, have a couple of health problems but feel well overall, live alone, no family here with only one sibling still living.... who is 2,000+ miles away...... and who prefers to text. She is busy with PT work, musical gig's (she's a singer) her home, her sweet fur baby and of course herself etc. etc.. Ohers I know, in my same city that I live in, for one reason or another...like their personal involvements or health, don't come round or call and this I know is common and I understand it being part of the world today.
SO..... we, I, find our way to keeping ourselves upbeat and content with how we plan, manage and enjoy this stage in life. We find joy in the small everyday things in life and hope any changes needed will evolve with time and the effort we put towards change.
Barbara

I'm 80,:widowed since 2018 and live alone. I miss my husband of 56 years. We have 7 grown children who live in the same city I live in and I hear from all of them some every night to say goodnight and others at least 3 times a week and see them at least two or three times a month, holidays, etc But, I like living taking care and doing things myself. I have decent health, take the BP meds, and have same complaints about not finding decent communication skills from medical doctors so I make my own decisions on what's good for me. The closest relationships I have besides my kids, are those with other "shoppers", lol, at my small community like Walmart, local stores, park, etc. I go when a lot of other people my age, but even young people like stay at home moms or dads are there while other people are at work or school. These people that shop or walk when I do are the ones that will stop and start a chat about simple stuff and 30 minutes later in the middle of an aisle or walking trail we will be solving the problems of the world or our personal issues and happy silly stuff. That's where you find people who are strangers yet care about me and I care about them. I may not ever see them again or maybe here and there. I haven't been to my church close to a year when I've been a member for 11 years. It's like people, not all, including the pastor and staff, are in cliques. I've volunteered in activities for a few years, been in a group settings, pastor saw my husband in the hospital, did my husband's memorial, and yet hell walk right past me otherwise. So, long winded as I am in this post, the interaction with other people has been from strangers and walking away with the feeling of joy and hearing them, caring what they say and feeling a connection.