It’s nice you want to help your father live as well as he can. Did the staff at the facility he was having problems discuss what level of care he requires? All the things you described sound like he’s really struggling with not just memory, but reasoning, balance, agitation, etc. It’s probably difficult to differentiate the symptoms of the dementia from the alcohol impairment.

I might start with a few things. First consult with his doctor, if you have authority, to give his doctor an update on what’s happening and his recommendation. Can meds help? Also, consult with an Elder law attorney to find out your legal options….including how to have him placed somewhere that can provide the proper level of care and what does the law require of you. Now that he’s in your home, how would you insist he leave, if need be. And lastly, have you looked for a place that can manage his care and behavior? That would be a place where trained professionals work 3 shifts to ensure he’s safe and others are as well.

It’s my understanding, that people with dementia don’t empathize with others. They aren’t really capable. And, the boundaries you expect don’t mean much either. Even if he promised to respect house rules, he’d likely forget. Reminders are fine, but the signals from the brain don’t always work right so reading and processing the information is often faulty. That’s one test the doctor gives in a mental status assessment. He writes down an instruction like touch your shoe and has the patient read it then do what it says. Often the patient with cognitive damage will not touch their shoe. No ability to process what they read.

Good luck with getting things straight. I hope you get some suggestions that help. It’s a tough spot to be in. I don’t think I’d leave him unattended.