I truly wish I could. I had a social system related to a sport with 250 participants each of whom I got to know as teammates rotated. After suffering a disabling injury I lost contact with ALL of them and now literally have no friends or associates since our lone connection was the sport multiple days a week. So I am interminably depressed and anxious on multiple medications. Tried religion and volunteering. I was advised the volunteer positions already had a waiting list. The churches were not particularly interested in a depressed elderly man. No local fraternal clubs nearby. No senior centers or social apparatus for the elderly. During the course of an ordinary day I have no one to whom I can talk. My brothers all live more than a thousand miles away and have their own families. According to what I have read I am not “alone” in my solitude and there are many others in a similar position, but am, in fact, alone. I go out walking, sometimes for miles, and even then the only communication is at most a short greeting. This is very simply a broken society, twenty per cent of whom are at any time on antidepressants or addictive anxiety meds, about half living in poverty or from paycheck to paycheck, with family members often losing touch or distant, and the “golden years” I have found, for so many, are nothing but misery, frailty, depression and loneliness. Grim. I have often pondered how this could change and how those who are lonely could participate in “meet ups” or other social gatherings but thus far I have discovered no solution. The suggestions of others who have never been in this situation are so simple but for most seniors are not realistic. Has anyone out there observed in their locality any organizations that possibly can resolve this problem? How? Where?
As an ~82 y.o. who has been zealously investigating the curse that loneliness is for a few years now, I've some grip on it tho not much of a solution, but hope. just about every few weeks I drop off those groups where I see little-to-none potential for a promising human connection. Yes, I've tried all and more what has been suggested here, including church ones even tho I'm not of any faith group but knowing that I might still contribute where they are doing what the community needs and might use my time or talent. So I dropped off early this week where people (they happen to be all women showed strangely low level of basic maturity, let alone as a Senior!
But I also had been thinking of NEXT steps. I said: You don't have anxiety issues but anxiety meetup has some ten thousand members , scores of them in my city. So i am hoping to show me as a senior what they mostly as young adults lack. I am also having a first meeting tomorrow with three others in a coffee shop arranged over meetup. What i tried at local library for a talk on Socrates seemed too alien for the two showed up. So why did they show up? Because the sting of loneliness is so strong that we feel like trying everything. Which is good because at least they are going out to meet!
But you (and our Aussie mate) has been telling us points to the awkwardness we feel about even obliquely hinting at the emptiness we feel from fellow companionship. Yo say you lost ALL of your 250 FRIENDS as not one even bothered to Call you. Maybe now you KNOW that sometimes even "many times a week" connection does not mean a single step toward what we call friendship.
So what is friendship? Aristotle would say, "life without whom is not worth living." shoot! Really? Yes, it's true and he goes a long way of even ifs... And yet why can't two people who are about equally eager to flesh out some ideas and insights about an issue can come together? I can't be friends with someone who let's say only wants to talk about movies, sports or superficial politics, nor the other with me. Friendship is MUTUAL -- each gives and receives Same Time, even when we don't think of planning this way. It is for this reason it's even more sincere than spousal or familial ties. No wonder studies show we die earlier, develop diseases like overweight, diabetes, and dementia at levels much higher than those with friends.
I must stop, but I've been thinking about wrting you for some days. I do want to hear from you. If DM works with you, feel free. We can live Enjoyably even as our attempts fail. All best!
As an ~82 y.o. who has been zealously investigating the curse that loneliness is for a few years now, I've some grip on it tho not much of a solution, but hope. just about every few weeks I drop off those groups where I see little-to-none potential for a promising human connection. Yes, I've tried all and more what has been suggested here, including church ones even tho I'm not of any faith group but knowing that I might still contribute where they are doing what the community needs and might use my time or talent. So I dropped off early this week where people (they happen to be all women showed strangely low level of basic maturity, let alone as a Senior!
But I also had been thinking of NEXT steps. I said: You don't have anxiety issues but anxiety meetup has some ten thousand members , scores of them in my city. So i am hoping to show me as a senior what they mostly as young adults lack. I am also having a first meeting tomorrow with three others in a coffee shop arranged over meetup. What i tried at local library for a talk on Socrates seemed too alien for the two showed up. So why did they show up? Because the sting of loneliness is so strong that we feel like trying everything. Which is good because at least they are going out to meet!
But you (and our Aussie mate) has been telling us points to the awkwardness we feel about even obliquely hinting at the emptiness we feel from fellow companionship. Yo say you lost ALL of your 250 FRIENDS as not one even bothered to Call you. Maybe now you KNOW that sometimes even "many times a week" connection does not mean a single step toward what we call friendship.
So what is friendship? Aristotle would say, "life without whom is not worth living." shoot! Really? Yes, it's true and he goes a long way of even ifs... And yet why can't two people who are about equally eager to flesh out some ideas and insights about an issue can come together? I can't be friends with someone who let's say only wants to talk about movies, sports or superficial politics, nor the other with me. Friendship is MUTUAL -- each gives and receives Same Time, even when we don't think of planning this way. It is for this reason it's even more sincere than spousal or familial ties. No wonder studies show we die earlier, develop diseases like overweight, diabetes, and dementia at levels much higher than those with friends.
I must stop, but I've been thinking about wrting you for some days. I do want to hear from you. If DM works with you, feel free. We can live Enjoyably even as our attempts fail. All best!
Loneliness in our later years creeps. For me, it's because I now seek different things and different personalities than before. I also have strengthend my personal boundaries and focus on self care.
I've evolved.
This year I took solo trips, a 6 week road trip, cruise, and visited items on my bucket list. It was very introspective and fulfilling, getting to know the newly evolved me.
I still keep in contact with friends, but in small doses, and avoid negativity.
I'm curious, happy, have a bucket list, and continue to work on myself.
I've been dealing with long Covid for 2 years during all of this.
Realizing I have 2 ears and one mouth, I learn from listening rather than talking.
Hi Alice,
I'm so sorry that you are lonely. It's hard to deal with loneliness. My husband died a year ago and I have been coping with loneliness ever since. This forum has been a big help to me. There are a lot of very nice people on here who would love to communicate with you. I have found it really good at keeping me from being too lonely. Also talking to God helps me too. I don't have too many others to talk to. I'm 79 and most everyone I knew have died and gone to Heaven even the neighbor's cat who really liked me!
Keeping busy helps also. My husband had lung cancer and the last year of his life I was really busy taking care of him. A lot of cleaning and gardening got neglected so now I'm trying to catch up. I'm also realizing that I don't have the energy at 79 that I had at 49!
What is your situation? What has caused you to be lonely? I'd be interested in hearing your story if you would like to share it.
PML
reading really helps me as it takes you somewhere else for awhile,
but you do need to be with people so you might consider being
a volunteer, joining a book group, seeing a therapist, asking your
family physician for anti-depressants...... 🙂 try everything until
you find some answers. Good luck. K
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As an ~82 y.o. who has been zealously investigating the curse that loneliness is for a few years now, I've some grip on it tho not much of a solution, but hope. just about every few weeks I drop off those groups where I see little-to-none potential for a promising human connection. Yes, I've tried all and more what has been suggested here, including church ones even tho I'm not of any faith group but knowing that I might still contribute where they are doing what the community needs and might use my time or talent. So I dropped off early this week where people (they happen to be all women showed strangely low level of basic maturity, let alone as a Senior!
But I also had been thinking of NEXT steps. I said: You don't have anxiety issues but anxiety meetup has some ten thousand members , scores of them in my city. So i am hoping to show me as a senior what they mostly as young adults lack. I am also having a first meeting tomorrow with three others in a coffee shop arranged over meetup. What i tried at local library for a talk on Socrates seemed too alien for the two showed up. So why did they show up? Because the sting of loneliness is so strong that we feel like trying everything. Which is good because at least they are going out to meet!
But you (and our Aussie mate) has been telling us points to the awkwardness we feel about even obliquely hinting at the emptiness we feel from fellow companionship. Yo say you lost ALL of your 250 FRIENDS as not one even bothered to Call you. Maybe now you KNOW that sometimes even "many times a week" connection does not mean a single step toward what we call friendship.
So what is friendship? Aristotle would say, "life without whom is not worth living." shoot! Really? Yes, it's true and he goes a long way of even ifs... And yet why can't two people who are about equally eager to flesh out some ideas and insights about an issue can come together? I can't be friends with someone who let's say only wants to talk about movies, sports or superficial politics, nor the other with me. Friendship is MUTUAL -- each gives and receives Same Time, even when we don't think of planning this way. It is for this reason it's even more sincere than spousal or familial ties. No wonder studies show we die earlier, develop diseases like overweight, diabetes, and dementia at levels much higher than those with friends.
I must stop, but I've been thinking about wrting you for some days. I do want to hear from you. If DM works with you, feel free. We can live Enjoyably even as our attempts fail. All best!
Loneliness in our later years creeps. For me, it's because I now seek different things and different personalities than before. I also have strengthend my personal boundaries and focus on self care.
I've evolved.
This year I took solo trips, a 6 week road trip, cruise, and visited items on my bucket list. It was very introspective and fulfilling, getting to know the newly evolved me.
I still keep in contact with friends, but in small doses, and avoid negativity.
I'm curious, happy, have a bucket list, and continue to work on myself.
I've been dealing with long Covid for 2 years during all of this.
Realizing I have 2 ears and one mouth, I learn from listening rather than talking.
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reading really helps me as it takes you somewhere else for awhile,
but you do need to be with people so you might consider being
a volunteer, joining a book group, seeing a therapist, asking your
family physician for anti-depressants...... 🙂 try everything until
you find some answers. Good luck. K