@jenatsky
Thank you, and I did intake with a therapist today. I wish I could start immediately, but will survive for a couple weeks while i wait for the first session. Are there any good books to read in the meantime? I just have to figure out how to deal with the overwhelming fear that he really will hurt himself. And then how do we go on afterwards if he does, after yelling at us "you led me to this, you did it" (which is another thing he screamed at my husband as he was getting in his car the other night. ) I know I have unhealthy patterns and am working on it, just so confused on when i really do need to take him seriously. He told me today that even though he said he would do it the other night, he never would, he just needed me to hear how much he was hurting, and that i overreact, and should just listen and know that he will be OK. That's messed up. Maybe I do overreact, but i told him to call someone else then, because I simply can't take it if it's not real. But how do I know this isn't the time he means it? I tell you though, my body can't physically take it anymore, I do think I'm ready to finally set those boundaries and keep them because of my physical issues.