Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection

I live in Southern California. No I have not don a review of resources in my community nor contacted the social services department of my local hospital. I did not see a need for it. I have definitely not contacted churches as I am not a Christian. I am a humanist. No point in asking any medical person for assistance. They do not have the time nor the inclination. Thank you for your offer of help but Westchester county in New York is a long way from Riverside County in California.

Yeah, you sound like me! I just enjoy doing everything solo because I open my mouth and insert my foot. Generally, most people dislike me. I never learned how to be "female" properly. Smile, smile, smile and bury your rage! I'm too blunt and cynical and these are not traits most people enjoy. I just no longer care because what gets me through is knowing that underneath my crusty exterior, I'm an ok human. I'm nice to animals and the elderly. I have manners. I don't commit crimes. I'm nothing special, but no one else is either.

From one anti-social woman to another, I will say that as an agnostic with atheist tendencies, if you were ever inclined on a crazy whim to look for cool people to hang out with, might I suggest the Unitarian Universalist congregation? They call it a "church", but they are humanists through and through. No dogma, no preaching, just community spreading good deeds and thoughts. I belonged when I lived back east and they have atheists as members. Unitarians are very cool people creating community and I did not feel unwelcome or that I had to change my personality.

Get a dog …. Seriously … there is no better company

There is one difference. I do not enjoy doing anything solo, which contributes to my loneliness. I am in therapy, which is good because she really "gets" me. In addition to all my other baggage, she diagnosed me with PTSD due to child abuse. At our last session we talked a lot about my mother and her treatment of me. She told me that in addition to all the things she did to me she also abandoned me. She suggested I write her a letter letting it all out. I did do this, but not sure yet if this solved anything.

I had a few years where I did nothing except sit in the house, watch mindless tv or scroll the internet for cat videos. I've also been diagnosed with PTSD, so I won't blow smoke up your bum and tell you it gets easier. I'm alone too at 58, but now I try to force myself to go outside. Walks in nature help and I have found the zoo to be a good place to snap out of a funk.
Writing letters may help get some feelings out, but I'm not sure it solves much either. Rants are fun to write, though. One thing that helped me? Thinking about how the people who wronged you would feel if they knew you were unhappy. For some reason, it snapped me out of my funk for a bit. I do not want to give them the satisfaction! Everyday I try to force myself to do something I even sort of want to do, even if it's a struggle. Just going out for a good piece of cake works for me.

Except a cat. Lower maintenance. Well, most of the time. My Vernon is clingy like a dog.

Hahahaha

You get out and talk to people.

There is a huge difference between 58 and 91 (my birthday is in 5 days). So I carry the additional burden of not knowing how many more years (or days?) I might have.
I do have to say that I get enjoyment from people who seem to resent the fact that I am able to take care of myself at my age. Apparently they do not like this. When I feel it has gone too far I just ask them what do they think someone my age should be like. Then they start to stammer and I just laugh.