Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection

Posted by Morgan17 @harmony11, Mar 15 11:20pm

As we grow older, many of us face the reality of living alone or being without a strong support system. Let’s talk about it—how do you stay connected with others, maintain your independence, and find joy in this stage of life? Are there communities, activities, or personal practices that have made a difference for you? Let’s share ideas, experiences, and encouragement to remind ourselves that we’re never truly alone.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

edsutton | @edsutton | Sep 17 7:34am

In reply to @polevaultgirl "Being alone is hard and I feel forgotten about" + (show)

Dear Polevaultgirl-

Thank you for your clear and deeply felt statement.
Do you feel this way all the time?
It's probably common, and o.k. to feel this way sometimes, but if you're stuck in this feeling, that's not good.

Sometimes when I'm stuck in a mood I remember to notice a few things I enjoy: I can see colors, I can hear sounds, I can taste vanilla coffee! My dog can always think of something enjoyable to share. The point is to get my attention moving so I start feeling other feelings.

But if you're having a really deep unhappiness, a mood that never changes, that's a different matter.
Perhaps you'll tell us a bit more, and people can share what they do when they feel this way.

edsutton | @edsutton | Sep 17 7:56am

In reply to @tatiana987 "Seems reasonable to me. I have a question. What doea it mean to say that a..." + (show)

Tatiana-

This is a really good question!
I'm still thinking about it, and it probably won't lead to a final answer, but it helps me be more aware of what I'm doing, what's going on, and to wonder what other people may be seeking.

Everything we do requires some amount of life effort. But if we pay attention we see that we get some kind of return in feelings for everything we do. I might ask "How do I feel about that feeling? Is in supporting, enhancing or reducing my sense of well being? Does it feel necessary in a large view of things?"

As an existentialist, I don't believe my life purpose was given to me, I believe it is up to me to discern and create my purpose(s). If something seems to help this work, I call it meaningful. If it doesn't support this work I don't want to support its meaning. It may be meaningful in a way that I don't want to join, such as hatred or racism, so for me it is "demeaning." Ideas that degrade other people are demeaning.

I believe that building human community is important work, so building human relationships is also important work. And it can be fun. Having fun can be meaningful!

How do other folks define or describe "meaningful conversation?"

carmine100 | @carmine100 | Sep 17 8:35am

In reply to @tatiana987 "Seems reasonable to me. I have a question. What doea it mean to say that a..." + (show)

For me, meaningful means enjoyable. How many times do you get into a conversation with a narcissist who just talks about themselves?

Months ago I read an article on loneliness by George Orwell, of all people. The part I remember was that you could be with others and still feel invisible. No meaningful conversations about things that you relate to. They make feel like you are at a feast and the only food is cotton candy.

tatiana987 | @tatiana987 | Sep 17 10:50am

In reply to @polevaultgirl "Being alone is hard and I feel forgotten about" + (show)

Hello Pole Vault Girl, I have a painting that I would love to get your comments on. I don’t know how or whether I can attach a photo of it here. Could I perhaps email it to you? But I would like comments from other folks too, and reactions to your comments,

The painting is of a figure balancing on pick-up sticks in a green starry sky. The figure invites God to champagne at the Ritz and there is a Ritz Cracker glued to the painting. God orders the figure to do an « about face » on the pick-up stick, which seems impossible or very dangerous, so there the figure stands trying to balance and ignoring God’s order. I painted this for myself to express feelings I had that are long in the past now.

tatiana987 | @tatiana987 | Sep 17 10:54am

In reply to @carmine100 "For me, meaningful means enjoyable. How many times do you get into a conversation with a..." + (show)

Thanks. That helped..

Orwell was almost too wise. I will look for that writing. In response, I think of our screen culture and brain effects, not enough Oxytocin or something in the brain. Could Orwell have guessed that chemical future for human brains?

tatiana987 | @tatiana987 | Sep 17 10:59am

In reply to @edsutton "Tatiana- This is a really good question! I'm still thinking about it, and it probably won't..." + (show)

Thanks for your thoughts.

Meaning and demeaning may indeed be opposites, as you suggest. Got to think about that.

And fun is definitely useful and good.

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Sep 17 9:31pm

In reply to @tatiana987 "Hello Pole Vault Girl, I have a painting that I would love to get your comments..." + (show)

@tatiana987 If you have been a member and are contributing, you should be able to post. The link is at the bottom of a new discussion page. I should add that your photo should be computer-ready. Anything else will have to go by regular mail.
Can you try this tomorrow?

blm1007blm1007 | @blm1007blm1007 | Sep 18 6:10pm

In reply to @edsutton "Tatiana- This is a really good question! I'm still thinking about it, and it probably won't..." + (show)

RE: Meaningful conversations.
It is surprising what things we remember that we internalized. I say that because I am in my 80's and I have never forgotten what an Uncle said to me many years ago and I believe this goes along with meaningful conversations.
He discussed how important it is to discuss ideas with one another, in conversations, verses discussing things such as people and gossip etc.
Meaningful conversations to me also would mean discussing things with one another that would help one another.
After writing the above I thought to google: what does it mean to have meaningful conversations
This is what AI said and it seems to be on target for an answer to "meaningful conversations". There is more detail in what came up than this one paragraph below.
"A meaningful conversation goes beyond superficial small talk, fostering deeper connection, understanding, and personal growth between participants through active listening, empathy, and shared vulnerability. It involves a genuine desire to understand another's perspective and values, allowing for the exchange of personal feelings and ideas, which strengthens relationships and provides mutual benefit through increased knowledge and perspective."
Barbara

edsutton | @edsutton | Sep 19 8:08am

In reply to @blm1007blm1007 "RE: Meaningful conversations. It is surprising what things we remember that we internalized. I say that..." + (show)

When people share their personal feelings and experiences it often touches me in unexpected ways, giving me new thoughts and feelings, perhaps giving me a new perspective or direction of thought.
AI quotations are full of facts and averaged opinions, lacking of any sharing of real lived life.
AI shuts down person-to-person connection and floods us with "information."
Lived life occurs one mortal being at a time, imperfect and incomplete, and a little worried.
That is what I like.

newrochelle1131 | @newrochelle1131 | Sep 21 9:16am

In reply to @thisismarilynb "I am 90 years old and have been widowed for three years. I am alone and..." + (show)

Where do you live?
Have you done a comprehensive review of resources in your community?
Have you contacted the social services department of your local hospital?
Have you contacted churches in your community?
Have you asked your doctor for assistance?
Best wishes. Write if I can be of help. I live in Westchester county, New York.