On the 27th of this month I will be 91. I find it hard to believe. My husband died four years ago. We were together for 62 years. I have 2 sons, but only a relationship with one of them. He lives very far from me. Thankfully we can communicate in real time thanks to the computer. Other than that I have no support system. I am not particularly social so have very few friends. Actually more like friendly acquaintances. I spend days on end alone with only myself to talk to. I have had therapy and decided to start it again. I am fortunate to be healthy. I am able to take care of myself, drive, cook, do laundry, etc. But this is not all of what life is and I miss the other part. Also due to my great age all my peers are gone.
I truly wish I could. I had a social system related to a sport with 250 participants each of whom I got to know as teammates rotated. After suffering a disabling injury I lost contact with ALL of them and now literally have no friends or associates since our lone connection was the sport multiple days a week. So I am interminably depressed and anxious on multiple medications. Tried religion and volunteering. I was advised the volunteer positions already had a waiting list. The churches were not particularly interested in a depressed elderly man. No local fraternal clubs nearby. No senior centers or social apparatus for the elderly. During the course of an ordinary day I have no one to whom I can talk. My brothers all live more than a thousand miles away and have their own families. According to what I have read I am not “alone” in my solitude and there are many others in a similar position, but am, in fact, alone. I go out walking, sometimes for miles, and even then the only communication is at most a short greeting. This is very simply a broken society, twenty per cent of whom are at any time on antidepressants or addictive anxiety meds, about half living in poverty or from paycheck to paycheck, with family members often losing touch or distant, and the “golden years” I have found, for so many, are nothing but misery, frailty, depression and loneliness. Grim. I have often pondered how this could change and how those who are lonely could participate in “meet ups” or other social gatherings but thus far I have discovered no solution. The suggestions of others who have never been in this situation are so simple but for most seniors are not realistic. Has anyone out there observed in their locality any organizations that possibly can resolve this problem? How? Where?
I truly wish I could. I had a social system related to a sport with 250 participants each of whom I got to know as teammates rotated. After suffering a disabling injury I lost contact with ALL of them and now literally have no friends or associates since our lone connection was the sport multiple days a week. So I am interminably depressed and anxious on multiple medications. Tried religion and volunteering. I was advised the volunteer positions already had a waiting list. The churches were not particularly interested in a depressed elderly man. No local fraternal clubs nearby. No senior centers or social apparatus for the elderly. During the course of an ordinary day I have no one to whom I can talk. My brothers all live more than a thousand miles away and have their own families. According to what I have read I am not “alone” in my solitude and there are many others in a similar position, but am, in fact, alone. I go out walking, sometimes for miles, and even then the only communication is at most a short greeting. This is very simply a broken society, twenty per cent of whom are at any time on antidepressants or addictive anxiety meds, about half living in poverty or from paycheck to paycheck, with family members often losing touch or distant, and the “golden years” I have found, for so many, are nothing but misery, frailty, depression and loneliness. Grim. I have often pondered how this could change and how those who are lonely could participate in “meet ups” or other social gatherings but thus far I have discovered no solution. The suggestions of others who have never been in this situation are so simple but for most seniors are not realistic. Has anyone out there observed in their locality any organizations that possibly can resolve this problem? How? Where?
Mate . I just read your story & I know how your feeling believe me I do. I'm 80 Yrs old and have Liver & Pancreatic Cancer. I also use to play golf and ever weekend and some time on Wednesday for 35 yrs with some on my so called friends who I though where. But the moment they all found out I had cancer not one of then ever rang me to see how I am. At least my I'm a little bit better off then you, I still have my son and his wife who come ever Sunday to help me & my wife do the things we need which is great. As for all those other who I thought where my friends Well screw them I don't even think about them anymore it just so, Strang that not one has never called or pop in It like there scared there going to get the Cancer off me like the flu or something. All I can say buddy is hang in there even sending you this message shows you that there are people out here feeling for you, Get yourself a nice little Dog he will always be there for you and believe he may not talk that much but he will there with you by your side . Take Care & Cheers from Australia
I grew up needing space, but at 64 I see I’ve been far too successful at it. Loneliness is so corrosive and hard to manage.
I have cats who are good company, but, importantly, I also acquired a dog a year ago and he has dragged me out of my sanctuary/prison of a home twice a day for runs at the off-leash park or evening walks in the neighborhood where I encounter people all the time for chats. As much work and mess as the dog is, he has served to socialize me. They’re not intimate friendships, but the positive chats and smiles and commiserations with other dog owners buoy my mood significantly and reduce my sense of isolation.
Loneliness is definitely a problem for many. In 3 months I moved, lost my church friends and husband of 50 years. I’m fortunate that I moved into a senior community where activities are numerous and found a good church. I’m saddened that churches were not attuned to coming along side of you to provide much needed socialization. Is it possible for you to get a pet and meet others perhaps at a park? Please, keep searching for connection even though it’s hard.
Did you know if you put your wife and your dog in the boot of your car & close it for 10 mins , when you open the boot the dog will jump out and run to you with a happy face, but look out when the wife get out, stick with the dog mate. I love my little buddies
I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer 5 years ago. Live in a beautiful home on three acres of land, have 2 yorkies that I love dearly, my son who is detached lives in the house with me at the far end, have a daughter in town with her big family and I have never in my whole life felt this alone and isolated! I pray every nite for my husband to come and get me, but he's not listening. Yes.....one is the loneliest number that you will ever do.
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1 ReactionI truly wish I could. I had a social system related to a sport with 250 participants each of whom I got to know as teammates rotated. After suffering a disabling injury I lost contact with ALL of them and now literally have no friends or associates since our lone connection was the sport multiple days a week. So I am interminably depressed and anxious on multiple medications. Tried religion and volunteering. I was advised the volunteer positions already had a waiting list. The churches were not particularly interested in a depressed elderly man. No local fraternal clubs nearby. No senior centers or social apparatus for the elderly. During the course of an ordinary day I have no one to whom I can talk. My brothers all live more than a thousand miles away and have their own families. According to what I have read I am not “alone” in my solitude and there are many others in a similar position, but am, in fact, alone. I go out walking, sometimes for miles, and even then the only communication is at most a short greeting. This is very simply a broken society, twenty per cent of whom are at any time on antidepressants or addictive anxiety meds, about half living in poverty or from paycheck to paycheck, with family members often losing touch or distant, and the “golden years” I have found, for so many, are nothing but misery, frailty, depression and loneliness. Grim. I have often pondered how this could change and how those who are lonely could participate in “meet ups” or other social gatherings but thus far I have discovered no solution. The suggestions of others who have never been in this situation are so simple but for most seniors are not realistic. Has anyone out there observed in their locality any organizations that possibly can resolve this problem? How? Where?
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3 ReactionsMate . I just read your story & I know how your feeling believe me I do. I'm 80 Yrs old and have Liver & Pancreatic Cancer. I also use to play golf and ever weekend and some time on Wednesday for 35 yrs with some on my so called friends who I though where. But the moment they all found out I had cancer not one of then ever rang me to see how I am. At least my I'm a little bit better off then you, I still have my son and his wife who come ever Sunday to help me & my wife do the things we need which is great. As for all those other who I thought where my friends Well screw them I don't even think about them anymore it just so, Strang that not one has never called or pop in It like there scared there going to get the Cancer off me like the flu or something. All I can say buddy is hang in there even sending you this message shows you that there are people out here feeling for you, Get yourself a nice little Dog he will always be there for you and believe he may not talk that much but he will there with you by your side . Take Care & Cheers from Australia
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3 ReactionsYou could adopt a kitty cat to help keep you company. Even though they can't talk back, this'd give you someone to talk to at least.
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4 ReactionsReally?
I grew up needing space, but at 64 I see I’ve been far too successful at it. Loneliness is so corrosive and hard to manage.
I have cats who are good company, but, importantly, I also acquired a dog a year ago and he has dragged me out of my sanctuary/prison of a home twice a day for runs at the off-leash park or evening walks in the neighborhood where I encounter people all the time for chats. As much work and mess as the dog is, he has served to socialize me. They’re not intimate friendships, but the positive chats and smiles and commiserations with other dog owners buoy my mood significantly and reduce my sense of isolation.
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1 ReactionLoneliness is definitely a problem for many. In 3 months I moved, lost my church friends and husband of 50 years. I’m fortunate that I moved into a senior community where activities are numerous and found a good church. I’m saddened that churches were not attuned to coming along side of you to provide much needed socialization. Is it possible for you to get a pet and meet others perhaps at a park? Please, keep searching for connection even though it’s hard.
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Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionDid you know if you put your wife and your dog in the boot of your car & close it for 10 mins , when you open the boot the dog will jump out and run to you with a happy face, but look out when the wife get out, stick with the dog mate. I love my little buddies
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1 ReactionI lost my husband to pancreatic cancer 5 years ago. Live in a beautiful home on three acres of land, have 2 yorkies that I love dearly, my son who is detached lives in the house with me at the far end, have a daughter in town with her big family and I have never in my whole life felt this alone and isolated! I pray every nite for my husband to come and get me, but he's not listening. Yes.....one is the loneliest number that you will ever do.
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