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Help! My husband refuses to shower. It’s been 2 weeks now.
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: May 21, 2025 | Replies (92)Comment receiving replies
My husband and and I just moved in to help my 82 year old mom care for my dad who has severe dementia. Dad is physically healthy and strong. However, he is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. He is often angry and talks to himself constantly—and it isn’t pleasant talk. Our biggest issue now is showering. Mom tries to help him, but he has gotten to the point where he absolutely refuses to get in the shower. Neither my husband nor I were able to get him to shower—either with firmness or reasoning. Mom is her wits end. He is physically fully capable of showering himself. Even if someone came in to help him shower, I think he would be just as stubborn, and then what? ANY advice would be so appreciated! Thank you!
Replies to "My husband and and I just moved in to help my 82 year old mom care..."
This would be very difficult for all of you. I hope people here will have some tips to help. I've heard of instances where a certain person can reach through for some reason. Is there a friend or family member that he's known to respond to? Let us know how things go. Glad you're all trying & have each other. Air hug..
Since being cold seems to be one of the reasons, keep a robe handy. Also, instead of starting at the head, begin at the feet. No sitting with wet hair making the person colder. Can even keep part of body covered while washing another part.
Try out different phrases, instead of bath or shower, how about "let's freshen up."
At this point, my Mom is on palliative care and in a memory unit so I no longer bathe her. But, I'm always looking for ways to help her aides.
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I keep a few "tricks" in my back pocket when my hubby doesn't feel like showering. I keep disposable washcloths on hand and give him a sponge bath... or wait until a different time later in the day OR wait til the next day, especially if he is really refusing a shower, cuz it's not worth arguing or insisting. But eventually he NEEDS to get washed with actual soap and water and then I tell him he's gonna feel good and warm, and cozy and smell sooooo good. And when I'm done I give him a kiss and ask him if he feels better and he always says "yes! Thank you". I've also had to change it up at times... morning or night time showers. You'll find your way just like I did. As much as we all want to keep routines, some days just don't allow us to and we just have to go with their flow. You'll find your way just like I did... I know it's not always easy but you'll find your way 🙂
Strength, Peace , Love and Hugs to you