Hello @steiner,
I hear you about being frightened. I didn't mean to introduce anything else for you to ponder over.😉

It was shocking for me to get a cancer diagnosis. I did all the "right" things: I was vegan, exercised regularly, and mainly got proper amounts of sleep. My "why me" moment never happened. It was more of a "Huh. What?!?" moment.😂😂 But that doesn't mean I haven't experienced all kinds of rollercoaster emotional moments pre, during, and post treatment.

My medical system provides counselors. Even though I'm in a Watch and Wait protocol, I value that I can still consult with him for emotional support. I also leaned heavily on the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (Recently renamed Blood Cancer United). They have an 800 number that patients can call to discuss next steps, other concerns, or anxious moments. https://bloodcancerunited.org/

Although I feel concerned sometimes, I don't think about cancer every day. Knowing I have a very competent team in place helps. And that lets me concentrate on creating a richer life. It took me a few months after my recurrence to get to that place emotionally. Anxiety is normal, and we all have a right to feel what we feel.

I feel great and have taken up biking as a hobby. I just learned to ride last year and am getting better every day. I've set a goal of riding across town, but I need more practice navigating the streets.😂😂

I'll come back to your question about diagnosis in a follow-up reply. I don't want this response to be too long.☺