For those of us without family - Who will take care of you ?

Posted by ginger123 @ginger123, Feb 18, 2024

As I age, not having children or close family, I’m beginning to ask myself who will see to my care, when I can no longer take care of myself. And, who should I name in my Will to be executor….. I don’t want to burden friends, as I have a complicated estate. And friends my age have their own challenges..

I’m fortunate to have financial resources, but no children or close family. I’d like to get things in order while I’m still healthy. May I have your ideas?

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Yes having priority is important in senior care. I'm interested in the senior cooperative that has assisted living facing new door. If you live in their cooperative you gave priority if and when you need next level of care. So the co-op is independent living. But the facility next door is independent living plus. So that's the next place people can go. But that starts at $4800. In our senior coop the monthly fee is about $1400 for the smallest one bedroom apartment. Plus we have to pay the buy in fee to move in. There are so many options now and they are getting broader. Then there are people who are snowbirds and they move between Florida or Arizona to Minnesota. They don't live in Minnesota for the winter. But my plan is to have a Minnesota base so I can come back for healthcare if I need it. Minnesota is still number 1 in healthcare in America. I've been here for 33 years and I've never had healthcare like healthcare in Minnesota. And I've lived in New York, New Jersey, and California through my lifetime. Plus Mayo Clinic is in Minnesota. But our providers in the Twin Cities are good too. Even if we use Mayo for specialty care we are still supposed to have a primary care provider that is local. They share our medical records in Minnesota.

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Profile picture for pvctom2021 @pvctom2021

Hello to all,

I am finishing up my walk at the mall.. I am grateful to still be able to do that..the reactions and support that comes from the people here is a blessing…my morning anxiety still happens immediately upon becoming conscious…and a new day ahead..I still have my music interest, movies and my favorite reads…mostly, I still have my wife, who is more than my better half…I hope to take it one more day at a time…I heard a guy say once that”worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere”…If I could only remember that saying first thing in the morning.. I hope a good day for all who come here…it’s good here..🙏 pvctom

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Thank you so much for your post from last February 22, 2024, yes, more than a year ago. I'm going to add to my memory that "worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere." Very well said. Thank you!

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Profile picture for joanland @joanland

Thank you so much for your post from last February 22, 2024, yes, more than a year ago. I'm going to add to my memory that "worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere." Very well said. Thank you!

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@joanland

Thanks for your reply…I hope all is well with you… it is a saying that I wish I could automatically incorporate in my daily life… I am overdue for a post to catch up with what’s been going on in my life… it is good here 🙏pvctom

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Yes, all is well here. Or I should say, as well as it can be. My life is narrowing. There are many things that I can no longer do. I have two helpers than come to my home, one does a cleaning every two weeks changing the sheets, and the other comes one afternoon a week and helps me with whatever needs doing. She has a checklist that helps us both remember things that need looking after. With the lack of Assisted Living locations in this small city (130,000) (most are now Independent Living with each resident needing to obtain their own help at their own expense from outside organizations), I'm managing in my own home.
I have a wonderful picture in my mind of a rocking chair, rocking away, with no one in it. To that I add the thought bubble, "I wonder where it thought it would go?" I think that will help me do things that have meaning, rather than things that just keep me busy.

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@bestgrammy: Hi! To answer your question I live in Southern California, East of L.A. in a small town Hemet. We have residents that have specifically moved here from the East Coast, Midwest, North West, and Southern states, as well as Northern CA., and even many locals.
However there are CCRC (Continuating Care Retirement Communities) throughout the USA. My mother-in-law spent her last 12 years living independently in a CCRC, then transferred to their assisted living, and finally in their nursing wing (Quincy, Illinois). Although they are all under the same umbrella of care services, each facility operates independently and has different amenities.
I hope my answer encourages you to investigate ALL the retirement options you can. I think YOU owe it to your future self to choose the best quality of life you choose to afford.
Best of health to you, dbamos1945

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Profile picture for dbamos1945 @dbamos1945

@bestgrammy: Hi! To answer your question I live in Southern California, East of L.A. in a small town Hemet. We have residents that have specifically moved here from the East Coast, Midwest, North West, and Southern states, as well as Northern CA., and even many locals.
However there are CCRC (Continuating Care Retirement Communities) throughout the USA. My mother-in-law spent her last 12 years living independently in a CCRC, then transferred to their assisted living, and finally in their nursing wing (Quincy, Illinois). Although they are all under the same umbrella of care services, each facility operates independently and has different amenities.
I hope my answer encourages you to investigate ALL the retirement options you can. I think YOU owe it to your future self to choose the best quality of life you choose to afford.
Best of health to you, dbamos1945

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Thank you so much

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Profile picture for bettes @bettes

Very good question. Our attorney put us on a path that I followed until I arrived at a company called Family Life Solutions, which was established years ago to help people get through the morass of applying for Long Term Care benefits. It was expensive ($7,500) but at that point I was totally incapable of taking it on myself—just too many major things to do, and my husband simply couldn’t help me. So I bit the bullet and used the company to whack through the bushes, and they did—very high level of success with others and with us. I hired them for a second year at $5,000, and they have continued to manage the process for me, but I have learned enough now to take it on from this point forward. Obviously, insurance companies are not in business to give money out, so the process of getting approval is long and complex. I probably could have managed it myself, but circumstances had overwhelmed me at that point, and I just didn’t have it in me to try. So I dipped into our limited resources to hire out the process, and in another year or so, we will have recouped the cost. Your premiums stop when you are approved for care, so that is a big help, and there are other financial benefits, as well. However, the bottom line for me is that we are getting the help we need for now, and that allows us to stay in our home. I don’t pretend to be an expert about this, but maybe I have helped you a little—hope so. Bette

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You have been so very helpful! I would be very overwhelmed by taking this on and would not know where to turn. When my FIL was admitted to nsg home, he had a 90-day wait period that had to be self pay before his LTC kicked in. He did not make it the 90 days so was never able to use his policy. So I really had no idea what to do if we need ours someday. The nsg home personnel don't have time to fight your case for you. I think the money you spent was very well worth it. Being able to stay in your home is a gift. Thank you so very much, Bette! P.S. And thank you for reminding me no premiums are paid once approved for care!

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Profile picture for luhn @luhn

You have been so very helpful! I would be very overwhelmed by taking this on and would not know where to turn. When my FIL was admitted to nsg home, he had a 90-day wait period that had to be self pay before his LTC kicked in. He did not make it the 90 days so was never able to use his policy. So I really had no idea what to do if we need ours someday. The nsg home personnel don't have time to fight your case for you. I think the money you spent was very well worth it. Being able to stay in your home is a gift. Thank you so very much, Bette! P.S. And thank you for reminding me no premiums are paid once approved for care!

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You are more than welcome. My husband and I have different companies, but both reimburse you for the dollars paid during the waiting period. In my case, with New York Life, the waiting period was reduced from 180 days to 20 (!!!) if I used their special intake process. AND the days provided by Medicare during the healing period after my surgery counted! Of course, all companies have different rules, so when I started to claim my benefits, I still had to get through some challenging steps, but at least it wasn’t a swamp. Over the years we had spent a ton of money in premiums, so when I thought about cancelling, I decided that those were just sunk costs, so I kept on paying. Boy, am I glad I did. I am more than happy to help you answer your questions if I can. Thank goodness for this Mayo board. Wish I had had it ages ago. Bette

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Profile picture for bettes @bettes

You are more than welcome. My husband and I have different companies, but both reimburse you for the dollars paid during the waiting period. In my case, with New York Life, the waiting period was reduced from 180 days to 20 (!!!) if I used their special intake process. AND the days provided by Medicare during the healing period after my surgery counted! Of course, all companies have different rules, so when I started to claim my benefits, I still had to get through some challenging steps, but at least it wasn’t a swamp. Over the years we had spent a ton of money in premiums, so when I thought about cancelling, I decided that those were just sunk costs, so I kept on paying. Boy, am I glad I did. I am more than happy to help you answer your questions if I can. Thank goodness for this Mayo board. Wish I had had it ages ago. Bette

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One last item about choosing a place for elder living. If you are married, and one spouse requires more care like assisted living or memory care etc, some places allow you to add services at additional cost instead of separate the spouses when one has to go to a different building. This feature is worth looking at, depending on your situation.

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Profile picture for nathandavid @nathandavid

Hello leelou

I understand your worries and anxiety over this. I think about it as well at times. Do you belong to a Church? any social groups? You may want to start talking to folks about your concerns. You never know who has connections to people who could be hired to assist you or even themselves. I know people at my Church who are nurses aides, LPNs etc and at times look for extra income by assisting other people. It doesn’t hurt to ask. If you are a member of AARP, call them as they have a lot of ideas and resources to give you ideas.

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Hope this little bit of advice can help you. God bless you always. Jesus loves you.

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