Thank you so much for your response. I read so much about what people are going through
with Chemo but my Husband has decided up till now that he does not want Chemo. Even though he is doing fairly well, he is not the man that he was before the Surgery and before the diagnosis . He was always a big, strong man that did all of the heavy lifting. Now, it is tough for him to carry a bag of groceries. This is so frustrating to him and when he sees me doing things that he feels he should be doing, it is even worse. He has also gone through a lot of depression and at times, his frustration is taken out on me. He always apologizes afterwards and feels horrible that he said something to me or the way he said it to. I do understand but it still hurts at times.
I try to stay super upbeat around him but there are times he is afraid. This is what I don't know how to handle. I tell him we are all dying but none of us know when or how. I know that does not help him at all. I honestly feel so guilty at times that he has Cancer and I don't.
We have been through so much in our 50 years of marriage both good and bad but we always went through it together. Even though I keep telling him that I will be with him through every bit of this Journey, I feel like that is really not true because I don't have Cancer.