It feels like stressful issues are hard to avoid these days anyway so you sure didn’t need to have another helping tossed onto your plate. Coping is a challenge under the best of circumstances so I’m really sorry the lorazapam isn’t doing its job right now. When your emotions and thoughts are out of control there’s nothing else you can think about!

Trying to find answers is a coping mechanism to help your mind wrap around what’s going on. But when you don’t even know the direction in which to search that’s not helpful for you.
If you want to do some searching, instead of looking through leukemia related articles, I’d suggest to go in the direction of mindfulness exercises and stress control!
There are wonderful Apps such as Headspace. That’s my go-to for calming, guided meditations. YouTube has plenty of videos for calming, exercising, mediation, stress relief…along with fun little tutorials for water color.
For me, distraction is the key to getting a hold on my wild-hair moments! At least it allows for incremental healing on the surface while the troubles are still ruminating deep within my mind. Gives a much needed break from the constant rawness of uncertainty.
Sending you a virtual hug…

Are you seeing a hematologist? You should be seeing a specialist to get the best information. I was diagnosed with CMML ten years ago and mylofibrosis after that. I’m 76 and still doing fine except for very bad arthritis. There are many new drugs and treatments and more every day, so a 5year diagnisis just seems wrong. Go to a good hematologist at a research institution before you panic.