I'm going to be sad the rest of my life.

Posted by hangingon25 @hangingon25, Jul 22 8:57am

My wife of 50 years has a terminal lung disease. She is trying so hard to stay alive - taking part in clinical drug trials, doing breathing exercises, walking thousands and thousands of steps every day.

People with her diagnosis typically live only three or four years, but she's trying so hard to double that time, in order to see our youngest grandchild to adulthood.

That means she really doesn't see me anymore. There is only so much time and energy a person has, and she has none to spare for me. I'm so tired, so lonely, a little run down from doing all of the work of maintaining a household and making all major decisions by myself. The best case scenario is that this is what the next twenty years of my life will be like, worst case is that in a couple of years I lose the only friend I have.

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linh | @linh | Jul 26 7:11am

Sounds from my viewpoint of having experienced multiple past losses as if: Your wife is giving it the old college try with the clinical trials. Her more basic Maslow's hierarchy of needs has kicked in. This in the process drastically affects yours, and yes, it hurts to say the least. If you were (or are, or thinking about) apart of a church, reconnecting may help you to tap sources of support, as it did for me. I reconnected my mother to a new pastor, although it was her final year. This pastor paid visits to her house and shared with me my mother's last dream she had shared with them. Her last dream involved dreaming of flowers. I recently made a memorial for her. I had saved an old wooden lectern I had found mysteriously in her shed, and decorated it with hand paintings of flowers. I have found carefully chosen outside sources of support can pay big dividends down the line. I wish you peace that surpasses all understanding.

stretchpants99 | @stretchpants99 | Jul 26 1:17pm

I'm so sorry to hear of what you are going through. I, too, have lung issues but not like your wife. I just wanted to say that I have been keeping busy and doing things more and more because I'm afraid and think, the more I stay busy the more I can postpone the inevitable. I, too, don't make as much time for my husband as I should. It's like I am trying to run ahead of it all and not think about it all the time. The thinking scares me because then I think of everything I am going to lose...especially my family. I thought I could just explain a bit from your wife's side to help you understand her thoughts and actions more. Take care.

eileenj1960 | @eileenj1960 | Aug 1 10:49am

Hi,
I feel so bad for you Sir. You have a whole lot on your plate. What helps me is not looking at the whole picture at once (it’s overwhelming!) Try to focus on just a few things per day. You have to take care of yourself or you’ll be of no use to your darling wife. 50 years is a long time Congratulations!!

If you’re a spiritual person, I read the Psalms as they comfort me. I also pray to Jesus. He gives me strength/peace/comfort.

Maybe thru Medicare you can get help with housework/meals/shopping from a family member//friend? Doing everything, like you said is just too much for you. You need help. I hope my suggestions helped. 🤍🕊️