Dear @nrdl2879

I am so very sorry to hear that your health is now so impacted and both yours and your husband's survival are threatened. My heart goes out to you as you absorb and make sense of this new and terrible shock to your system.

And, my response to you may seem over-simple, but I am aware of how much we humans tend to try to solve all of our problems within the sphere of our couple relationships, without relying on others. OR, we are too often left with no sense of support beyond that couple bond. So, my simple encouragement to you is to recognize that there are times in relationships when one member is struggling and the other is able to lean in and provide support until the crisis passes. This can go back and forth over the years and decades of a relationship or marriage. But then, there are times, when both members are impacted by the same crisis (illness or loss of a child, for example), or when each member is experiencing their own overwhelming situation. In situations like these, help must come from outside the relationship.

Concrete help (caregiver services and financial support to pay for them), separate sources of emotional support for each member, and sometimes, emotional support for the couple together, become absolutely necessary. This may or may not be available within your family, community or friend networks. In your situation, it is likely that more will be needed beyond those informal circles of potential support. If there is a social worker or patient advocate available through your healthcare providers' offices, I would encourage you to make an appointment (online or by phone is often available) to envision what is needed for each of you and both of you together, and to go over any and all resources that might be available to you. Another resource I have learned of recently is called TriageCancer.org
They have a website that addresses SO many questions that I have encountered on my cancer journey. I'm including the url for information about caregiving resources here:
https://triagecancer.org/cancer-caregiver-resources
If you scroll to the bottom of this page it has a section entitled "More Caregiving Resources" that might be helpful to you or to someone who can help you imagine the kind of supports that you and your husband need now. Please don't overlook your mental health in all of this!

With much care and respect for you, Gynosaur

Im brought to tears hearing your story. How can u care for someone when you yourself will need care? Please tell us you have family to pitch in to care for you both? If not i encourage you to call every resource in your county to seek assistance. Non profit organizations can also help in small ways.
Please keep seeking understanding and support from of all kinds of groups.
Hugs to you both