Miss my life pre-cancer

Ksue, you have a great attitude even though it's been a bit of a rough road.
I am 72 and moved to a lovely 55+ community 3 yrs ago. I'm so very connected to my former neighborhood and didn't get the chance to grow roots here. Like you said doctors appts, etc.
Having cancer takes an enormous toll. Physically but I think more mentally.
I'm trying to focus on the now (not easy)
I have reconstruction surgery in 2 weeks. The final surgery I hope. Then, maybe we can start anew?
One quick note. My mother-in-law lived until 92. She was my best friend! At 85 she was so delightful to be around. I bet you are too!!

I am 67, had lumpectomy in January 2025 followed by 20 radiation treatments in March. Just started hormone therapy (tamoxifen) last week. (So far so good, but I assume it's a bit too early to tell.) For a while, it felt like my life was a blur of one dr appointment after another. It wasn't until everything finally settled down again that I started to think about the reality of cancer and experience the fear of it returning. Now is when I feel isolated. My family and friends were all very supportive as I went through the shock of the cancer diagnosis, surgery, etc. Now I feel like I'm in some kind of void. My prognosis is excellent and I'm beyond fortunate in that way, but we all know there are no guarantees with cancer. I have a busy life, still work 6 days a week, and my life hasn't really skipped a beat in many ways, yet it feels very different. We can't return to life before cancer. We can only find ways to move forward and cope with our new reality. I appreciate this conversation very, very much. Thank you!

Yes also have felt disconnected - Rylee you nailed it. Would add disconnection is a protection for you and your family. My first diagnosis was in my mid 40's and now have metastasis reoccurrence at 72. When first diagnosed I felt I had to disconnect - did not want this disease to define me - had growing children and did not want them to have their youth impacted by cancer - so pushed the cancer aside however not sure that was the best choice, I thought it was protection for me and my family. The reoccurrence was like a sledgehammer reminder - wish I could disconnect this time around but treatment has been tougher and have to admit feeling very low. Friends/family are fine with disconnecting with the cancer - they are used to me just handling it. It is hard to look at mortality, cancer is a wake up call - disconnection is not the answer - life is a gift we are meant to appreciate no matter how much time we have left. Get help with the disconnection - do not miss out on an inner growth opportunity, will make living richer. My reoccurrence has forced me out of my disconnect and it is much harder. Wish I had done it differently now.

Thank you everyone! I'm grateful for all your stories of feeling disconnected, scared and finding ways to overcome this state of mind. You are such a wonderful caring community and I enjoy being part of it. I'll be in recovery for the next month so this is a very good time for me to accept this as an opportunity for quiet reflection and growth.

“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”
Carl Jung

You aren’t alone. I’ve been a little over 2 years now before it’s starting to settle down. Been through surgery, chemo, radiation, multiple CTs, brain scan and finally pet scan and now on second ai which will continue another 3+ years. The constant appointments between surgeon, oncologist, PCP, blood draws, port flushes, tests do take a toll. I’m 73 and Family & friends are scattered. Closest is about 1 1/2 hours away. So yes, I miss my life before this and while it is settling down, I’m afraid I’ll never get that back. Have considered going back to work part time but feel there’s still that brain fog which scares me and makes me concerned about my abilities. And of course, people (even friends) don’t want to talk about it so there is that level of silent suffering even now - everyone thinks you should be happy and feeling fine. But we all persevere, we’ve made it this far. And a lot of responses offer a lot of excellent suggestions.

Yes Girl.!!. that's exactly what I have realized. I do not look back. I am gaining new friendships and planning new adventures. I have friends who have distanced themselves from me as they don't know how to cope with my diagnosis and also because i am no longer there for them as much as I used to be.Its a new season in my life. I just had chemo again Friday so am feeling the fatigue and guess what. I'm here planning all the fun stuff I'd like to do post treatment . It's cancer yes , but I think it also allows us to pause and reflect on our lives and realize there is so much to live for .

I was searching online for something to do with AI side effects a couple of days ago; I saw this forum and this post, and a light bulb went on for me. My BC surgery (lumpectomy/reduction in R breast [stage 1, ER+], with aesthetic reduction in other, which [ta da!] was revealed to have a DCIS when that L breast tissue was examined) was in Feb 24, and I've been fortunate in so many ways, but I have to face the fact that my life will never be what it was before. I had cellulitis post surgery, had very painful breast lymphedema that started only a few weeks after radiation and for which I'm still having PT more than a year later (ow! ow!), dizziness to the extent that I have an EEG scheduled for tomorrow morning, and a torn meniscus out of nowhere that I now know can be caused/exacerbated by AIs. I retired at the end of 2022, was quite physically active and enjoying exercise more than I ever have in my life, and now.... well, six medical appointments this week, and that's almost two years from diagnosis. It's exhausting.

I have a great network of friends and family and have been a resource for several people I know who've been diagnosed with BC since I've been through it all. I'm glad to be a resource and support for others, but I don't have a fellow cancer survivor as my own resource. (I had a friend who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a few months before my BC was diagnosed, and we were a great help to each other, but she lost that battle in Feb.)

Anyway. All of this is to say that the topic of this thread really saved me the other night, bc I feel so isolated and have ever since my friend died. Thank you for being out here. It's horrid that the forum is needed, but oh so wonderful that it's there. I only wish I'd found this back in 2023. Thank you.

Yes, you cannot deny that life has indeed changed. My journey began in 1998 with lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. A recurrence in 2014 with double mastectomy and then ,in 2022, the dreaded metastasis to my lung occurred requiring a lobectomy of right lower lobe. For a few years in there when there was not active treatment, the nagging worry remained. Unless you are given the "C" word, no one knows the weight that you carry forever.

That's a lot to deal with, mspass. The strength that is required to navigate through all of the uncertainties, tests, appointments, etc. is staggering. I'm lucky to have a supportive husband and a handful of friends who are always checking in with me and very inclusive and it makes such a big difference, but sometimes I just find it difficult to quiet the chatter in my brain of "what's next?" It's a work in progress.....

I’m my own worst enemy. I overthink everything!! But I need to hear the words “ IT’S GONE” so I can take a breath.