Miss my life pre-cancer

I know what you mean. I was first diagnosed almost three years ago and ended treatment two years ago (still take an AI.) Surgery is still very recent for you, and I think time passing will help. I'm 71, and I've found that over the years many of my life experiences have changed me, and I don't usually go completely back to how I was. So I share your sense of disconnection. But I'll share what has helped me. I try to look for the positive in the change if I can. And then build up activities that feel like the "real me" as much as I can. Is your disconnect about being able to share the experience? And what do you miss? What can be recaptured, or enjoyed again even if in a different way? Maybe most useful--what is already helping you feel connected to yourself? I'd love to know, as I'm still working on this myself. And I hope you get some good feedback here. Connect has really helped me too, so welcome.

Yes, I do feel the same way. I had a bilateral masectomy last November. My cancer was Paget's disease. A rare form affecting about 4% of women. Mine started with rash in only one breast, then scaling, and itchy. Involved nipple and areola.
Thankfully, mine was DCIS, 2 nodes tested negative. Now cancer free. No chemo no radiation.
Diagnosis began in July, testing MRI with biopsy, punch biopsy mammograms, etc.
That's where I felt life as I knew it changed. All of the above becomes your "social life" appts follow ups. Couldn't make long range plans always had to change them.
I have a wonderful family. Very supportive. But I now feel like somethings lacking. Can't put my finger on it.
Maybe it's the spontaneity of doing things. My health. Always fatigued.
But I am having reconstructive surgery next month, maybe I can get through the healing process again and look forward to not so many doctor's appts.

Wow Miriam and Judeann, you hit the nail on the head. Maybe it's just too soon to expect feeling connected to my close friends, with my last surgery being last week and I'm in another recovery period. When I do talk to my friends, they have these wonderful experiences to share that I used to be a part of, but with all the appointments, surgeries, recoveries, it's hard to make a commitment to take part. I will sit back and be patient and in the meantime, work on mindfulness and focus on what I can do at this moment in time. Thank you!

I have pagets disease also. I had a lumpectomy a month ago. Also had a tumor removed that was estrogen positive progesterone positive and HER 2 positive my surgeon said he removed all the cancer. I’m waiting for oncology appointment to get her opinion on treatment. I agree life after diagnosis is different

I think we have a lot of patience but I'm 72 and I want to have good years ahead of me. Sure you feel the same way.
You have a positive mind set. I do too. So when we get those "oh woe is me moments" we'll try to boost each other up.

Hi Betty, you're the first person I've learned on this site that has Pagets. I had both breasts removed. I had the other breast taken off so I wouldn't have to worry about it.
Hearing that you have cancer is life changing enough. Still processing that. I think we have to try to create a new normal and sometimes it's not that easy. I feel we'll maybe just settle into it without us even knowing it. We'll get there Betty.

I'm also 72 so I totally get it!

When I was diagnosed over 20 years ago, my doctor said “one year and you are done and go back to normal”. Except that isn’t what happened, I no longer felt connected to my old life and in fact I felt VERY different and disconnected from my life. The more I dealt with the changes from forced menopause and endocrine therapy, the more I realized, I had changed in some fundamental ways and no longer shared interests and/or values with many of the people in my life pre-cancer. I didn’t just walk away, but many quit including or inviting me and I found that it was just easier to let it slide away.
It took a little time to build a new network of connections, but I have more fulfilling relationships that represent my new normal.

Good for you! So glad you took the initiative to build a new network. There are friends for life and you'll discover who they are.
Make new friends and keep some of the old..some are silver and the others, GOLD.
Ever-changing friends because we're all changing.
As a result, there's season for friendships.
Blessings for discovering the best in people!

I am so glad this topic was started. I live in a very active retirement community. I lost the last 20 months to breast cancer journey. I am grateful for the support I had from friends and neighbors. However, things have changed. There were times I couldn't join in for activities or meals together. No real outings, low white count. The others went on with their lives and established new fun things and I am not included. I do feel left out. I am working on a new normal. That is a bit difficult at age nearly 85. I am told I am a young 85. This has aged me though. I have ongoing issues with medication side effects that make me very cautious about traveling. So, I am doing what I feel I can safely do. I am attending activities here again. I am helping start a theater group. I did get out to see a community theater show with new friends. I am grateful I can do that. I will slowly build upon that beginning. Being grateful and focusing on the positive helps me and I have to remind myself of that at times. I guess I could describe the after breast cancer treatment, etc. as being empty. Ones life revolves around appointments and medications and side effects. Now it is time to refill that empty spot. That does take some effort on our part. Start with little things like inviting someone to lunch. Go to a movie with someone. Go for a walk with a neighbor. Start small and build as your stamina for being active improves. It is comforting to know that others feel the same way, isn't it? I appreciate every one of you who contribute to this site.