It is painful to watch the harm she is doing to herself, and more painful to be the object of her anger and unhappiness when she is under the influence. She is quite resentful of me when drunk and fairly loving when she is sober (though volatile and easily triggered even then). She sounds lucid when she is ranting at me, but is likely in a blackout and has no memory of anything the next day (or sometimes even an hour or two after she sobers a bit). Drinking and dementia are a terrible combination. I quit drinking about 4 years ago, partly to be better able to handle her and mostly to protect my own brain.