@jenniferla

I am so sorry for all you have gone through, and are going through! I agree that your dad is not behaving reasonably, or acceptably and am so sorry! Not that it is an excuse, but I know from my own caregiver experience (where I do not have to endure abuse of any sort, but often complaining and impossible to please kind of stuff), that strong, authoritative men seem to especially have a struggle with losing what they perceive to be authority, independence and control. Men of this generation and temperament were often raised with the belief that your only worth as a man is what you can DO, and what you can contribute. So when their ability to control their lives erodes away—and they can’t even get any kind of control over their body’s and bodily functions sometimes, they feel emasculated and worthless. And sadly, hurting people hurt people. Plus, he sounds like my dad—traditional roles and expectations based on gender and family position. Your role of daughter, being switched to full time caregiver who is privy to all his weaknesses and the humiliation of aging, is tough for both of you and it sounds like he takes that out on you.

That being said, it’s no excuse for treating you badly! The trick is for you to internally battle the bitterness. It is a burden YOU don’t need or deserve. Personally, I think it is a battle that can only be won through the Holy Spirit, on a moment by moment basis. Delving into the Word (Bible), and prayer.

Is there any way you and your pups can find another place to live and work now? It sounds like he is cared for, and maybe you can go and enjoy some relief from this situation and build an existence that doesn’t revolve around it (and get some AC!). It may even help your relationship with him over time…..as you could still let him know that you care how he is doing….

This basement existence sounds miserable and I pray you can move towards something more comfortable and livable!