Oh my dear!! Well.. I was only married to Dave for 13 tears.. we married late in life and he had been single for 18 years.. for a reason..so..it was very difficult..one time I made him sign a paper that said "I will not "sniper mouth my wife anymore"..IDK what your fathers experience in Nam was.. Dave volunteered.. and go in the very worst of it.. 365 boots on the ground Army Infantry Big Red One Lha Khe 68-69..and since he was a full blood Cherokee.. he got to be "on point" ..too often..he shared some of the things he saw with me.. it would have made anyone deranged.. so I say all of this to say.. your father may seem "self consumed" and he probably is.. it is just so horrible for you to be in the BASEMENT !! Psalm 91 is what Kenneth Copeland refers to as the "soldier's Psalm".. I'm not sure what your beliefs are.. but it is a Psalm of protection and you might read it aloud over yourself and your father..the thoughts you are having..I understand completely..and they are not from God..I rebuke them from you in the mighty name of Jesus Christ!! (I hope you don't mind ..if you do..I'm doing it anyway.. I am fighting thoughts that are dark too..as I have been soo ill for such a long time.. but I know that God has a good plan for our lives.. He has one for yours too!!) Just say this when he smarts off at you....."don't mean nut'in"... that's "Nam talk" and he'll probably understand.. he isn't getting to you..you are a precious child of the most high God who created you very special.. claim it!! I am hugging you real tight right now!!