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Morbid question: I'm really afraid of finding my husband dead
Caregivers | Last Active: Jul 16 6:20pm | Replies (51)Comment receiving replies
I did this..in 2011 my husband was neglected by the VA (100% DVA Vietnam vet) .. they just kept putting off a biopsy..I finally had to call the Patient Advocate in Washington DC..and (we started this in June) he got a biopsy done inNovember by the Chief of Staff at the original VA where he went all the time ..instead of the one they referred him to.. by then I had him on the 'outside" for his care. the dr walked in and said" I can't cure this, he's got 2 months".. horrified, I asked if Dave could leave the room .. "NO the dr yells at me"..I said I don't want him to hear this",.. more auguring. Finally I told David "turn off your hearing aids!!" but wasn't allowed to ask questions.. when we got out to the car I started to cry.. he was all I had.. he said "don't worry I'm ready " and I vowed he's never seem me cry again..(Nov 2 to June 16) then he got on hospice..I didn't know what to do.. he made me promise not to let anyone see him..locked in the house for 21 days with him..I'm not a nurse!! Did the best I could.. hopsice did't tell me I could have a break.. and wouldn't come back to help me clean him up after he made a big mess.They said "let him lay in it"..I think that's when I fractured 3 of my ribs.. so.. eventually..the little dog got sick, Dave was just laying in that bed and it was about 1 AM on ST night and I sat there ..smoking a cigarette..and thinking..I outa shot that dog (it was howling) and shoot Dave and shoot myself..fianlly went to bed and woke up to see who was still alive. buried the dog..and four day later.. Dave looked so bad when I went to give him his meds.. (it was scary and horrible!!) I just screamed "Jesus please help my man!!" and a bright white light shown in that room .. the whitest light I've ever seen and he was gone..I held the kitchen door open as they rolled him out into the hearse.. it's not "childplay's"..it's hard!! But I will never ever forget that bright white light!! So when people are going thur this I just say .. go to God.. He loves us He knows and we are never alone.. I 'll be praying for you!!
Replies to "I did this..in 2011 my husband was neglected by the VA (100% DVA Vietnam vet) ....."
I am so sorry you went through this. No one should have to go through that alone. To tell you to let him lay in his stuff is beyound all belief. I hope you can report those idiots to someone, perhaps let your Fed. Congressman know how poorly he was treated at the end. My brother RIP was also a Viet Nam vet and after he came back from that war swore that he would never fight for this country again after being called things like baby killers, etc.
I did find, until Mom was placed in palliative care, that we got very little assistance from the medical staff, except for the cardiologist and one great nurse, who took me, being the daughter, aside and explained the situation to me. She would never say anything to the other family members or even confirm what she said to me because they can get into trouble for doing so.
In fact, no one at the nursing home she was in even talked to my Dad about hospice when Mom stopped eating. He thought she was just being stubborn and would actually go out and get her a favored strawberry shake and things to start her eating again.
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I’m so sorry you went through that. When my grandfather went through hospice my Aunt was given quite a bit of support. Nobody should speak with you the way they did.