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The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business
Caregivers | Last Active: 8 minutes ago | Replies (122)Comment receiving replies
Feeling a lot of guilt these past few days. DH has been in hospital for 11 days. Pneumonia (resolved) heart issues (still trying to stabilize) and hospital delirium. I sit at home, alone at night and look around at all our beautiful furnishings. Then, I think of him in a small hospital room, next comes a small SNF room, one day perhaps a small MC room. He worked so hard to give us a comfortable life with nice things, it breaks my heart to imagine he may not always get to enjoy them. I felt such guilt eating a home cooked meal (my first since he was admitted) and knowing he can't swallow without choking so he's getting nothing by mouth. I can't enjoy even simple pleasures because of the deep guilt I feel.
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Not sure of all your story. But my heart goes out to you. I know the uncertainty and black hole you must be feeling. Well, i dont know your particulars but i can relate as to what i have been through. We dont KNOW unless we have been in those same shoes but i can relate to what you are going through to a certain extent. PAIN HURTS. I know the feeling of trying to enjoy a once happy meal that you and loved one shared to now eating alone. I know the feeling of looking around the house and reminicing happy times and feeling serile like you are suddendly disconnected and it all seems like a dream. It is numbing. I try to pull from my faith when that feeling of solitude hits me. That is all i can do is try to be still and shut out negative thoughts.