Connect
← Return to The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business
Discussion
The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business
Caregivers | Last Active: 2 days ago | Replies (195)Comment receiving replies
Scott, thank you for this dumpster! it is sorely needed by a lot of caregivers.
my guilt? not sure where I start. a couple. of months ago, I had to call my son for a ride to the emergency room because I was having trouble breathing. Needless to say the hospital was excellent because they got me breathing again and my son stayed with my wife (who has stage 3 dementia) for the two nights I was in the hospital. However, I received at least a dozen calls in the hospital from my wife telling me "I know you are really enjoying yourself with whoever you're with but I don't ever want you home again". My son cooked for her, tried to calm her down and made sure she was taking her medication but he was exhausted when I got home. The hospital did not want to release me and I had to sign myself out against the doctor's order because I had to get back to my wife. Oh, and when I got home, my wife thought I was only outside shoveling, She didn't realize I was gone for 3 days and she didn't realize my son had stayed with her those days.
My guilt? for putting my son out and having him realize how bad a condition his mother is with this disease and leaving my partner of over 55 years alone for a few days. Thanks again Scott
Replies to "Scott, thank you for this dumpster! it is sorely needed by a lot of caregivers. my..."
Connect
You have no reason to feel ANY guilt (although, of course, feelings have a mind of their own and aren't easy to control). The reasons you should NOT feel guilty are:
1. Your son should know his mother's condition and he should know what you have to go through every day to care for her. He's your child, but he's not a child. Unless he has some serious health issues of his own (since you didn't mention any, I'm assuming he doesn't), he needs to know the situation. Since he stepped up and did what needed to be done, you can be proud of him.
2. You have no reason to feel guilty about leaving your wife alone for a few days either. Yes, she apparently had moments of feeling neglected and suspicious of where you were, but the little piece of silver lining of her condition is that she doesn't remember that. Her angst was short-lived, since now she doesn't even realize you were gone.
3. But the main reason you shouldn't feel guilty is that you needed to take care of yourself—not only for yourself, but for your wife and your son. It worries me that you signed yourself out against medical advice. Who will take care of your wife if you're dead or unable to? How much will your son beat himself up for not helping more? Please, please, PLEASE, do not neglect your own health for them and for yourself. And ask for help with your caregiving. Paid help, if you can afford it, or volunteer help from your son and other relatives if you can't.