Managing Lifelong Mental Health as a Senior

Hello Rick @ricktrout

How are you feeling these days?

Teresa

Hello georgette: Same disease, different (?) circumstances perhaps. I'm 75 and I so relate. This is my first visit to the site and my first entry. It is comforting to find others to whom no explanation is needed. I didn't know I had an illness until the late 80's. I simply attributed my behaviors to being of poor character. Alcoholism (I've been sober 47 years), multiple sexual partners, three marriages but single since 1985. I knew back then no one should have to 'put up with me'. Pre-menstrual times were pure insanity for me and all around me. My relationship with my two sons suffered to the point that I had no contact with one for almost twenty years; it's been almost 35 years since my older son has visited me. They've both called me 'crazy' but don't quite get that crazy is an illness over which I've no control.
I have two granddaughters I don't know. And I don't know how I am still alive. I do believe in God and that is the ONLY help I get. I have nothing to lean on but this. I wish I had a solution for you and for the younger people who've written in. Not by choice do we live in a world not of our choosing. Recently I went through about two months of Hell with as deep and dark a depression as I've ever experienced, desperately wanting to end my life and exploring online every form of suicide. Only through prayer was I able to slowly come out of it, sort of. It doesn't leave...It only goes into hibernation. To outward appearances I am an intelligent, composed elderly lady. But the truth lies within.
No one but we understand the level of pain that mental illness creates. Thank you for this opportunity.

Hi melsy. Hi brit: I am seeing numerous messages posted months ago. I've just found this site and your messages are months old already. As a sober alcoholic for many decades I can relate and sympathize since depression and bi-polar are so common among our numbers. Mom, Dad and brother (all passed now) were all alcoholic. I was the only one who got sober. But, as we know sobriety was the 'easy' part. It is dealing with the illnesses that made us drink that are the true challenges.
It isn't our imaginations that let us think that the world doesn't understand.
Other than the addiction to alcohol we share the devastation of depression and bi-polar with others.
It is a lonely disease, isn't it. Thank you everyone for being here. Thank God for standing by.
sharpei

Hello @chsharpei
I am glad that you found Mayo Connect and that you posted here. I appreciate your honesty in sharing your experiences and feelings in such an open, honest manner. You describe what many of our Members have talked about regarding the mask that many depressed people wear. Your phrase that "it only goes into hibernation" is very descriptive. I'm glad that you are on the other side of your 2 month battle with depression and hope that you continue to share with us at Mayo Connect. Also, congratulations on your 47 years of sobriety. What an accomplishment! I would like to invite some others into this conversation including volunteer mentors, @jimhd, @johnbishop, @windwalker and a moderator at Mayo Connect @lisalucier. I am sure that others will also join me in welcoming you to this conversation as well.

We look forward to getting to know you in the coming days.

Teresa

Hello @chsharpei - I too would like to welcome you to Connect and thank you for talking about a difficult subject. I struggled with alchohol in my younger days but having an alcoholic as a father gave me some incentive to change. I think it can amplify any other problems a person has. Years ago my wife and I were going through some pretty dark times when our son was struggling with mental health issues as a pre-teen. We were both pretty devastated with his diagnosis and situation and could see no light at the end of the tunnel. Someone referred us to a NAMI support group meeting and I hated the idea of going with all the stigma associated with mental illness at the time 30+ years ago. It was probably the only thing that kept us from falling apart mentally. Just being able to talk and share your feelings with others that know what you are going through meant a lot to both of us. I'm hoping that you will find that same safe refuge here on Connect. One thing that I took with me from all of the support group meetings was that as dark and as bad as I felt at any time...it was just that, a moment in time. There is always hope in tomorrow.

Praying for strength and comfort for you. God Bless...

John

@chsharpei Welcome to Connect, I hope you find some good input and comfort from members who have problems similar to yours. This is a wonderful forum, everyone is very accepting of others and no one criticizes. The moderators are all really great too.
I hope at some point your sons can come to understand what you are have gone through and are going through and that the estrangement can be reversed.
Hugs, JK

Hello, @chsharpei

I'm 67, retired, live in central Oregon on ten acres with my wife of 45 years. Our son and daughter are married, and each has a daughter.

You've been through some challenging times. I commend you for your perseverance. I'm also glad that your faith sustains you. I know that I'm alive because God's not done with me yet. Without Him, I'd have given up on life any number of times over the past 12 years.

Welcome to Connect. This is truly a safe place to interact with people who share common experiences, hurts, health issues - both mental and physical - and who will never judge or criticize you.

I have a hard time imagining what it would be like never to see my family. That must be very painful. Our son lives in Indianapolis, so we don't get to visit them very often, except via Skype, which his 4 year old daughter loves. Our daughter is married to a good man who's in the Coast Guard, and was just transferred from Boston to Alameda, CA, much closer to us. They spent a week with us on their way across the country.

I've been a minister since 1972, and I'm the third generation of ministers. . I had to retire at 55 because of deep depression and suicidal ideation. Doctor's orders. Fortunately, we had bought a home two years earlier, so we had a place to go. It took 31 trips to move here. Most trips were with the pickup and horse trailer, both loaded high. Each of those 31 trips was 175 miles each way. It took us 3 months! Never again! I call this our "last resort". From here, I go to Heaven. I hope. By that I mean I hope I don't have to move to a nursing home or such.

Right now, I have to stop and get ready for bed. I look forward to hearing more from you.

Jim

Hi, @chsharpei. I wanted to add my welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. A huge congratulations to you on the decades of sobriety.

You mentioned depression and bipolar. Wondering if you are experiencing any symptoms of these currently, and if so, if you could tell us about that?

Hello Lisa: I am doing better now, thank you. But during those weeks I was convinced that I had to end my life, and soon. Nothing has changed really. Thinking about that period makes me shudder. I catch myself before I let thoughts drift to what might happen. I still hope that life doesn't take me much beyond where I am. At 75, I see the slow deterioration. I welcome death, but selfishly hope it comes quietly. My fear is that I may live much longer and with no support system it likely would be disastrous.

@chsharpei, thank you for telling the group a bit more about yourself, especially with a difficult subject like mental health and suicidal thoughts. Every person is so different and gets value from different sources, but I have seen firsthand in this community that posts like yours, that take courage, are beneficial to the larger group and community and have value. You have found the right group to share your concerns and fears with, I hope you keep talking with the group.