@karen8

I am so sorry for all that you and your loved ones are enduring. You know, we don’t hear much about Covid and long covid anymore. That has to be incredibly frustrating if you are trying to navigate the long term effects of this disease!

I take care of my 93+ year old father, who moved in with my husband and I almost five years ago after my mom died. I can relate to the feelings of being overwhelmed and frustrated, lonely and stressed. Caregiving is very isolating physically and mentally and emotionally. I, too, often wake up with anxiety—you never know what you will being trying to cope with on any given day (my fathers health has been declining as has some of his abilities). Every decision from the type of food I provide, timing of meds, communication with docs, scheduling of myriad appointments, cleaning, watching for tripping hazards, helping with mobility issues, taking care of finances, etc etc etc, feels critical and potentially life altering (and they can be)—all while trying to enrich his life (he is bored and nothing I can provide, do with him, take him to seems to help and now that there are many food restrictions/considerations it is especially challenging), and respect his decisions and right to still make them for himself. No one can prepare you for all this entails, and I don’t think anyone can really relate or understand unless they have been or are going through it. Even friends that have done some caregiving of parents (in my case of trying to relate), didn’t walk anything like the path I have been—in so many ways our situations are unique to us.

I’ve been praying a lot about all of this. Especially how to have joy (and pass it on) in this 24/7 reality. I am seeing that looking for the small blessings everyday—those that are meant just for me, is special and uplifting. But I have to watch and be looking for them. Like the single blossom that came out late on my seemingly spent (in terms of flowers) gardenia bush. Like the butterfly that almost landed on me while I watered. Like my dad actually being pleased with a meal that I made (and it contained very little sodium), etc. Even just taking one day at a time and being thankful for peaceful days without health alarms. I’m learning that I can be a vigilant caregiver, but I cannot control everything that happens to my loved ones, and it is really a good thing that that is God’s job! I’m trying to learn to rest in Him and cast my care (but not my responsibility for doing what I should/must). I have found it helpful to talk to a counselor/therapist once a month. She doesn’t have any earth shattering suggestions that will make all this easy, but it’s a safe place to talk out emotions and things where I don’t feel like I am betraying trust. I pray blessings of comfort and peace, joy and healing and strength, courage, and endurance for you and your loved ones!