I sincerely feel for you. My wife is a 'basket case' who defies all study and who suffers greatly each day. She takes at least ten medicines routinely each day and is still beset with arthritis, irritable bowel, GERD, abdominal cramps, and a great deal of anxiety both from these intractable disorders and due to childhood trauma. I can only imagine what it is like to face uncertainty, dread, and the strong desire for self-preservation at the same time, and always in conflict with the day's realities. Fortunately, and if I could encourage you to try one ablation, we're only dealing with an electrical pathway that shouldn't be there. The ablation blocks that signal from entering the left atrium and causing that vessel to contract. From then on, only the SA node does that job...which is what nature intended in the first place. If the ablation is successful, you can forget that problem, perhaps for the rest of your life. As it is, though, the risk of stroke is about 6 times what it would otherwise be whenever you enter AF. It can be for a single hour or for days, the stroke can still happen due to poorly circulating blood in the left atrial appendage.
Lastly, I wouldn't dream of assigning 'silly' to anything about you. Your life is a constant struggle, and you're trying to find the safest and least 'costly' way through it. I applaud you for sticking to it, despite the effort and duress you have had to endure.