"Looking forward." Has PN taken that away from me, too?

Hello Ray! I meant to reply yesterday, but I had a meeting at church to get to. And run my foster kittens to the vet for a visit (I only accept two kittens at a time now, and no sickly ones). And go to the local Farmer’s Market for a few things. Get a few prescriptions (always) and groceries.
Now, at the meeting I pulled my socks out of my purse, and got an extra chair to prop my legs up. Took 1/2 Percocet - I always have those and ALWAYS have water with me (dry mouth). I had planned to ride my e-bike to the Market and grocery store (1 mile away) but that started seeming too complicated. The nagging pain in my right hip decided to flare up badly when I got up from my nap, and it seriously impacted the next few hours - dealing with kittens, anything requiring bending over, putting things away. But I had to keep going, literally crying out in pain, holding on to furniture. More Percocet.
Today I have a medical massage at my chiropractor’s office, and will see him. Insurance pays for the massage! So I’ll grit my teeth and do the painful household chores this morning, because relief is on the way. Of course in 24 hours I’ll be back to suffering ( plus the pain from the massage).
I live alone with no partner. My yard looks like a Botanical Garden. Being outside in the sunshine and dirt and flowers brings me so much joy. No one watching can tell how much I’m hurting, or how many adaptations I make. I know my neighbors wonder why I qualify for disability. They don’t see how much I am lying down inside (more Percocet please).

You amaze me at how much you get accomplished and don’t give up! I like how you’re always seeing a carrot at the end of the stick, and solutions to achieve your next goal. Your garden sounds lovely.

"I know my neighbors wonder why I qualify for disability."

Ah, the ol' invisible pains! They're a plague to most of us. Sometimes when I'm with some chippy chirpy friend who's proposing we climb one of the Rockies 14'ers as we would do only a few years ago (or maybe that was a few decades ago?), I find myself wanting to grap my chippy chirpy friend by the shirt collar and yell, "Can't you see why I can't climb any more mountains? Come on, buddy-boy, do you think I'm carrying this cane just for the laughs?" Of course, I quickly calm down. That's a problem all of us with "stealth" disease have to deal with. To others we look whole and unchanged, while to ourselves we know that we're something less than whole –– maybe only seven-eighths or four-fifths –– and unchanged? Oh, lordy, we are far from UN-changed! If you you could see …

Cheers!
Ray (@ray666)

Gardens are delightful and I am glad that your garden brings you pleasure. I kept my yard very simple this year--just enough color amid the green to bring some joy here. I also have some squirrels and birds that visit and it is a comfort to watch them. You have kittens and my dog keeps me up and moving which is important with neuropathy. Like you, I get some relief from physical therapy, but, then it is back to square one the next day. By the way, if you tell people about your hurt or anxiety--some don't want to hear it. One guy from my church called me a "jumping chihuahua." Very hurtful indeed.

Good afternoon, @ray666, @dbeshears1, @mob55, @julbpat, @liloldlady, and all who are blessed to find kindred souls here at Connect ~
I've been pondering this business of no longer looking forward to in-person celebrations, get-togethers, and other events that are mostly out of my ability to attend, and there are many! Boy, this topic certainly resonates with me! Like so many of you, in my younger years, I enjoyed some very fulfilling careers and also some extensive travel and really still could, if it weren't for the limitations of my long time and now severe P.N. and some unpredictable digestive tract surprises. 😜 As a lot of you know, in 2022 I experienced extensive lumbar surgery and then hip replacement (this latter from a fall 10 weeks after the back surgery). I spent several weeks in a new, lovely rehab facility which for all practical purposes was more like a luxury hotel because I was a "guest" (their word), not a "patient". Terribly and consistently understaffed, the one thing I LOOKED FORWARD to was getting home!! What I saw as interminable boredom turned out to be a gift from God. Because of that experience, I know that staying independent in my own home is a joyous freedom I look forward to every day. Sure, I have the occasional "blues" from weather changes or this-or-that. But I am content to look forward to keeping up my home, doing a bit of shopping, preparing (or not!) what I want (or don't want!) to eat, getting to set my own daily routine as to when I feel most like exercising, showering, eating, and taking medication when needed, as opposed to having to take it according to a precision-followed time-chart, with no say in the matter. I look forward to being able to maintain a decent social life, -- though mostly on Zoom -- because of aforementioned complications with mobility, etc. In living out this new normal, what I miss the most is the expectation/ability to be reliable and dependable, hence the option of Zoom as opposed to in-person gatherings. I live alone with my sweet lapdog (my husband passed 12 years ago) and I really respect you, Debbie, and you, Ray, for the loving presence that you maintain for the happiness of your husband and partner. You are gifting them the joy of looking forward to giving you outings, things to do, and understanding aid where needed so that you may do these things together. That's awesome for all involved!
Ok, to avoid extensive rambling, I'll wish all of you the very best as adjustments and more adjustments present themselves. I'm with you in it, and I sure appreciate our discussions, suggestions, and topics that come to be shared! Blessings!! ~ Barb

Ray,
I had an incident 6 years ago when I was labeled as not eligible for a treatment because of the physical therapy involved, based on my label “uses a walker”. No test or assessment of ability, just based on seeing me with it. So for 6 years now, I keep my walker in my car when I go to appointments. I use my foldable cane in case I need help with a curb or step as many of my walks into a large complex may be long (SC has a lot of retirees, so especially at doctor appointments, finding handicapped parking is difficult). When I get to the office door, I neatly collapse my cane and put it in my bag, so while it’s not the prettiest walk while being led around the office, there’s no visible evidence of using assistance. (Fingers crossed they don’t make me climb up or down from a tall exam table! I know not to put myself in risk of injury)

I do have a problem with doctors who cut & paste from previous visits or from other doctors’ reports and I sometimes still see “uses a walker” (or cane). So now I make it a point at those visits to say “Note I’m not using a walker or cane” - and point out that I’d like the report to state that or exclude the walker/cane reference since I obviously can walk unassisted.

I am disabled, I can’t deny I am affected significantly by my PN. I know it sounds like a game, but I don’t want to automatically be denied a treatment of any kind that may improve my quality of life. I’d like to at least be able to have a discussion or reasonable assessment of ability to qualify vs a blanket rejection, especially if people are relying on outdated or unreliable notes in other doctor reports.

I find it carries over to my friends and family too. Sometimes I just don’t want to always “look” handicapped, or want to avoid the discussion of health. So I probably contribute to the appearance of being able to do a lot more than I can!

Wow, Debbie, I've never heard of actually withholding treatment because of physical therapy involvement. Around here, PT is suggested for almost any reason, and after the THERAPIST evaluates the need-based treatment, either they or Medicare decide whether to cover. What you have experienced scares me - not for myself because I can't take even a couple of steps without my cane, but for others like yourself who have shown both willingness and desire to invest the time and effort to become as healthy and independent as possible.
My P.T. went to cash-only at the beginning of the year because Medicare cut its reimbursement too low for her to sustain her practice. So now I pay out-of-pocket because I want to retain her (as opposed to going to a different therapist). Here, the therapist has the last word about whether they can help the person (the doctor cannot require PT). I am so sorry that you have been put in this position. I thought the physicians' vow to do no harm meant just that.

Just to be clear - the doctor’s prejudice was in believing that I would not be capable of the physical therapy required after the potentially helpful surgery. That assessment was based merely on the fact I was accompanied with a walker. I was unable to get him to listen to me or prove it was a “just in case/convenient” accessory. He was more angry (and I mean Yelling angry) that my PCP had referred a handicapped person to him. It was a very bad experience that I had with an awful, very unprofessional human being of a doctor, and while I honestly believe that hardly any other doctors are actually like this monster was, I don’t want to accidentally put myself in that situation again. I want doctors to make a scientific assessment of my ability, not from an uneducated visual. With that said, I do truly understand doctors needing to have confidence of the recovery process - I just want due process!

@dbeshears1 Debbie - sounds like you have a doctor who is an idiot. At this point in our life, who knows us better as to our physical abilities or lack thereof than us. It is extremely difficult when you see someone in the medical field, place your confidence in her or him and they don't listen to your concerns. It's like it goes through one ear and out the other. I had that happen last October, I told the practitioner she was wrong on her diagnosis, I got up and walked out. Went to a different doctor 8 days later and I was correct. I told him what the other doctor said, and he rolled his eyes. Obviously, I switched doctors. All practitioners are not alike and lately, I've found nurse practitioners to be more willing to listen. I believe that their training is different and at times, they can spend more time with patients.

I love my 2 nurse practitioners! I call them Dr’s because I believe they deserve titles. That Dr 6 years ago is long gone from my line-up, facilitated by my geographic moves. You’re right - we know our bodies! I’m happy to say I’ve had mostly very good doctors, GREAT PCPs! I hope you are making out ok, I think of your big obstacles often, and yes, we all have bigger mountains to climb sometimes. You’re my hero