Hi @shadow220, it looks like this is your first post. I am so glad you are here and really happy that by sharing experiences here on Connect you have found some helpful tips for your upcoming open heart surgery.
I know the feelings you describe. I think unless you have gone through this experience, it's hard to imagine the fear, the determination, the thoughts that crowd your mind... it is a big deal, but your are already stronger than you know! You made the decision to go forward and claim your life back.
When is your upcoming surgery? And where is it being done?