@sillybsillyblone makes very good points! My father is the most independent minded person you could know. But after my mom died and he was facing a significant health event, when we talked he realized this was the time for him to be able to voice his wishes about his care if he became incapacitated, his property if he died, etc. Up until that point, neither he or my mom typically joined in each others doctors appoints, etc., let alone have me attend (even though by that time I was driving them to all their appointments and had done so for years).

Maybe if her PCP (who you could leave a note for or call ahead of time) could broach the subject it would lay the foundation for your conversation. If she realizes it is a way to make her wishes known now, thus in a way maintaining control for the future, she might be more receptive.

From the living will, etc it is then an easier segue into the power of attorney, so you can make sure her wishes are followed. And that in turn makes your attending her appointments make more sense, so you know what is going on first hand…..

The balance is to continue to treat her with respect and adhere to her wishes. And to encourage doctors to continue to speak to her as the decision maker/patient, rather than focusing the conversation towards you. (I actually had one doctor ask me about the frequency and consistency of what my dad does in the bathroom. I had to tell him to ask my dad, who was sitting right there—that I don’t accompany him into the toilet!)

Thanks. No my parents avoid planning and things like this. She should know and take care of it but never really has. I don't get it either.