The anxiety you feel is withdrawal from Ativan, that’s why it’s hard to stop, there’s also a risk of seizures if you withdraw incorrectly. There’s a book available called The Ashton Manual that outlines how to wean yourself off the medication, it’s the best method available but the taper is very slow, you can find the book online for free, you mentioned 30 years on these meds so expect a long time for yourself. It will be helpful for you to see the doctor for another anti anxiety medication to ease up the withdrawal symptoms and this should help you cope.