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Biopsy confirmed: I have squamous cell carcinoma
Melanoma & Skin Cancer | Last Active: 1 day ago | Replies (101)Comment receiving replies
There are days when those "golden years" are more like fool's gold :-). We still live in the house we have had for 32 years. It's been about 10 years since I stopped personally taking care of the lawn and bushes and pay others to do it. However, someone will have to take me away kicking and screaming to move to a retirement community. I'm old in body and age, but there is a part of my psyche that still thinks I'm 23. Hearing old folks talk about their maladies or complain about the ways of the world is something I don't care to be around. I also have grandchildren (4), and one of them, the 3 year year old a few months ago, seeing the AK lesions on my head, said to me - "Grandpa, what's wrong with your head"? Just honest innocence, but it really stung.
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@19sfca47 My dear ol'dad (and I say that most lovingly) used to say he'd look in the mirror and wonder who the old guy was gazing back at him -- when he was a spry 99! And lately I have to admit I've found that happening to me as well < >>
Grandchildren can keep us young but at 3 and 4 they're at an age where they can start learning some tact and sensitivity with what and how they say things. I speak from experience as my youngest one is also 4; my oldest is 14 so I've heard some rather stinging comments myself, also expressed innocently but can be hurtful as we see - and feel - ourselves aging.
I've tried to provide some guidance to my grandkids in how to speak to us elders using what I learned when working: the so-called "sandwich response" - framing what I'm saying between two positive comments. So in the case of when they notice signs of aging, acknowledge that with something like, "You've noticed I'm not young like your mom or dad anymore, even thought I often feel that way" then "When someone tells me these things look wrong when it's just part of getting older, it hurts my feelings, and can hurt the feelings of other older people who look like this" and ending with "I've become a lot smarter now that I'm older. What do you think you'll like when you get older?" I've actually found that helps them reflect more on what they've said, the impact it's has and how they'll feel when they'll inevitably age.
Do you see how that spin on things might help ease the sting?
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Fool's gold indeed! This is a rough journey we're on, for certain. I envy you having been in place 32 years. How wonderful that must be. My spouse was in a field that required moving our family of 5 hither and yon frequently. But we all learned, despite difficult times, that people are people wherever you go.
Our 55+ is a super active place, full of hikers, bike-riders, pickleball folks, bookclubbers, wine and beer club people. There's community here we weren't able to establish over the decades. Since it was a new community, we were all moving in around the same 3-5 year period. That makes folks sensitive to being good neighbors and helping one another.
Hang onto that youthful thinking! I wonder sometimes if I'd like to be 23 - or 33, or 43 - again. I'm pretty sure I'd snap up the opportunity!