I am edging closer to surgery date, June 11. I try not to think about it, but it creeps up on me. Disrupts my sleep, bad dreams, don't want to go to sleep. I am at peace with the death possibility..I feel the Lord is going to take me home on his terms, not mine. When it is my time, it is not going to matter if I am sitting at home or on the operating table. He gives us the good sense and strength to take care of ourselves, and I am leaving the rest up to him. However, this does not make me less nervous inside. My husband had a quadruple bypass 16 years ago and we joke that we will have our 50th anniversary and matching scars!! Trying to find the lighter side of a situation out of my control. I know in my mind that I am at the best place I could be, I know in my mind that I have no choice but to have the surgery..I need the fix, I know I have a high pain tolerance, I know I will get past this and succeed in good health, I know I have a great husband and support group at home, but I am still nervous inside. I try to read the literature sent, I try to watch the videos, I try to get my mind right, but these things only make me more anxious, so I had to quit. Can you say nightmares. I have the hotels booked, I have completed all pre-appointment paperwork, the dentist has cleared me, Rhonda has all she needs from me. These things I can control and put aside. It is the unknown that I am having a hard time with. I know I should not worry but my life has been so easy and worry free, that I really don't know how to handle the stress of this. The thought of being symptom free, no more shortness of breath, irregular heartbeats, dizziness, pain in chest and back is awesome and I love the idea of not worrying about my heart giving out all the time. These things do limit the enjoyment of life. I have livestock and I have always taken care of everything, and I cannot do it by myself any longer. Thank goodness for my kind husband who helps me. I have to stop often and catch my breath or sit down for the dizzy to go away or my heart to calm down. I can't wait to come back on here in a month and say what you did..the problems were created in my head, and it was not as bad as I was dredging up!! That I made it worse in my mind that it really was and each day is better than the day before. Thank you for all the encouragement and God Bless us all. Sharon