How to handle when spouse has cancer, is in pain and isn’t active?

Posted by argues @argues, May 20, 2025

How to handle spouse with blood cancer and isn’t able to do much of anything?

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You are handling your difficult situation so well. So many cancers and treatments. I wish you continued success in this endeavor.

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Profile picture for maryannecrawford @maryannecrawford

I am so sorry for your troubles. It’s so stressful to be the caretaker of a loved ones and then watch them experiencing depression and or sadness. I try not to match his mood. I have reached out to a few friends who have gone through this previously and they seem to understand better than others. I ask them how they coped. I have learned to let go of my perfectionism, for example the laundry doesn’t get separated but it does get done. Sometimes it stays in the dryer for a day or two!! I try to appreciate the small things. I also get up early before my spouse and walk or workout. Finding joy in the small things like the blue sky or the new Spring flowers blooming. Take care and let us know how you are coping.

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I agree the little things matter. I'm the one with cancer but feel better for all my little accomplishments (laundry, vacuuming, sometimes just a shower). I wish you both the best. You're both struggling and will be stronger when all is done. It's a new world and we're all trying to get through it as best we can. I love the walking idea. Always relaxes me and I enjoy hearing the nature sounds. Best wishes🦋

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Profile picture for LisaY1 @lisay1

I agree the little things matter. I'm the one with cancer but feel better for all my little accomplishments (laundry, vacuuming, sometimes just a shower). I wish you both the best. You're both struggling and will be stronger when all is done. It's a new world and we're all trying to get through it as best we can. I love the walking idea. Always relaxes me and I enjoy hearing the nature sounds. Best wishes🦋

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I know exactly what you mean. Baking bread, weeding the garden, washing the dishes, walking to the grocery store — they all feel like victories.

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Profile picture for lauramae3 @lauramae3

My husband has had a few days like that and I know more are coming. I guess I'm an ostrich right now. If I don't think about it, it won't happen.

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I often use the ostrich stress relief method myself. I’m good at closing a door in my brain and just not thinking about it. My friends are jealous that I can just stick my head in the ground and pretend all is well. Praying for your husband and you! Take care of you!!

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Talk to your doctor about pain management!
Stay strong and don’t sicken yourself with worry and fatigue.

MOJO

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@argues Checking in to see how you're doing. Is your husband handling his pain and day to day activities any better? And what about you -- did any of these suggestions help?

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I could be in the same situation as you soon. I'm guessing I will try to stay positive and let my husband rest all he needs. I'll try to take care of everything around the house so that he doesn't have to worth about these things. It's a very scary situation and also easy to get depressed but please try to keep a positive attitude, it may rub off on your spouse. Sending a heartfelt hug 🫂

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