Needing advice on aging parent
First thing is, right now I am not in a position for any legal routes to pursue...so I'm not asking about getting POA or anything like that.
My mother who is 70 has been on a decline for many years. She is still married and resides with my father, they are around the same age.
I would like to blame retirement and depression but she started having cognitive difficulties even before she retired.
Her symptoms first presented with chronic sleep issues...they just never got better. Short term memory problems and agitation followed. Misplacing items has become a huge problem. Again, very poor sleep.
Now she's repeating things she's told me more than a few times. Asking me where certain places are she is familiar with(like navigating in the car) and not physically keeping up her appearance.
I am sure there is long term depression underneath that has not been treated properly, mostly due to her unwillingness to address it.
But she seems different, and i have a feeling there's more going on.
I cannot get her to help herself and feel maybe she doesn't have that capacity to do so.
I do worry about her driving, safety reasons.
It's obviously something I've worried over for years but I'm not sure what I can do to help. I do listen and have more patience but I'm very concerned for her mental well-being.
My father is useless. I have one sibling I cut out of my life because of abuse. The only other family she has is her sister whom she rarely sees and she barely does anything social anymore.
She does have tinnitus, arthritis, extreme brain fog,..so these all make it more difficult to communicate with others like she used to. I get that.
I'd just like to help any way I can without pushing her away but wanting to speak up because it's hard to see her suffer and seemed confused a lot.
I'm not sure how to help. She's a shell of a human being.
Do I take a chance and talk to my aunt, whom I'm not frequent with, call my cut off sibling and voice my concerns...that could end badly for me and not sure he would even help.
I need some advice. Thanks
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Thank you. Yes, I've been open several times, just last week. She knows her poor quality of sleep has affected her but she just keeps saying she's fine.
She keeps getting defensive, I am a good driver, I do a lot of things. I responded She is and yes she does but I'm worried she's running on fumes and when driving her reaction time is slower so it's a safety issue, not personal. I said anyone else would have the same problems related to poor sleep and I just want her to enjoy things, and take care of herself because she's worth it. To put that higher in her priorities is very important. She understood but maybe thinks I'm making a fuss.
It's hard to see someone you love crumble and I'm trying to be there but she really doesn't listen to anyone.
Thank you. I really needed to hear this.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It eases my anxiety.
She found out a few years ago she has sleep apnea. I know she still has problems fighting with the machine and I don't think anyone is really monitoring it well.
Thank you for the advice
Yes, that’s been my experience. I had to learn as much as I could on my own and try my own changes. It’s the only way way I started to make progress.
Encourage your mom( or you do it with her) to check out cpaptalk.com, Nick the Aussie’s YouTube channel, orapneaboard.com. I’ve learned a lot just from reading and listening.
@kudzu a you have quite a bit that you are managing. I invite you to check out the Caregiving group which has lots of helpful information. https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers/
There is also a group for Caregivers of dementia patients.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers-dementia/
Both groups are very active and have many helpful tips and tricks!
I would invite everyone in this group to try the two groups I mentioned!!!!!
Thanks so much for the invite; I did look at the sites and you’re right. Who knows, I may need them in the future.
Unfortunately, my caregiving days for my mom are in the past. Right now, I’m a caregiver to my two furbabies only. The memories of my experiences with Mom remain vivid and when I can, I offer sympathy and suggestions.
Thank you. Yes, it is something I'm not familiar with, learning a lot as I go! I pray her doctor pays more attention
She left her car on all day until the battery died yesterday. One day while I was there she tried to pick up dry ice from a package, it went everywhere. Fortunately she was ok but I was shocked because I know that's something she would never do.