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Why am I still here?
That's what I've been sitting here wondering for the past hour, why am I still here? I had my follow up appointment with my GP earlier today, and I didn't really get any new info regarding my overall physical health other than the fact that I'm full of sh!t, literally.
On top of my arthritis and neuropathy pain, I've been dealing with some digestive issues for the past few years. I've seen a GI and had all of the tests done, and nothings really stood out, other than me being lactose intolerant for the second time in my life.
3 months ago my GP prescribed 2 drugs that he thought might help me lose some weight. Well, it didn't do anything but screw up my digestive system even more, so now I need to "clean out" myself for the second time in about 2 years. Oh boy, more fun to deal with.
We did briefly discuss my pain levels, which have gone up over the past few months, and I'm going to see him again in a month, this time with my wife so we can really empthasize just how much our lives have been impacted by this. We don't go for walks after dinner any more, or go to our favorite scenic hideaway to walk the trails and listen to the water and the water falls, all because of my chronic pain. I have to use the powered shopping carts at the grocery store when/if I can get one. I never thought that I'd live to see myself get to this point physically, and I'm only 66. What the hell kind of life can I expect to have in 5 or 10 years when I can hardly walk any distances any more? Am I going to end up in a wheelchair?
It's getting harder just to drive, another thing I never thought could happen to me, and I drove a truck for a living. I'm so damn frustrated, I know there are a lot of people who have it harder than I do, but I'm sitting at the desk in our office typing this while my feet are on fire, and my knees and hips are screaming at me.
I need the pain to stop, but I don't see that ever happening. It's to the point where I wish they could cut the nerves to my feet so I can't feel the pain any more, if anything like that were possible. I could use a new pair of hips and 1 1/2 new knee replacements while they're at it.
Living with chronic pain SUCKS, especially after 10 years of dealing with it.
Replies to "Why am I still here? That's what I've been sitting here wondering for the past hour,..."
I have had the same night. I have a stereotactic xray biopsy in 10 hours, in the morning. If its positive, is this my way out?
I would probably do treatment but I'm not sure why.
Well, thw why is because I KNOW if I wait it out, it will get better. Except this time it could be the big C. Do or do not. A true life/death decision. I will kniw this week if I have breast cancer. And with CRPS, even the bx tomorrow could cause a spread.
oh.. I see you. I feel this to my core. I won't "bore" you with my "story", but will tell you what I happened across yesterday in the hopes that maybe it will give you some guidance or a new road to look down; because I'm at that same fork, my friend. It's a good company. They have a link to help find a pain management doc if you don't have one, because you (like me) probably need one. In general. I hope this, in some way will help.
https://www.pain.com/en/chronic-pain-solutions
A person is but the product of their own thoughts. What and how that person thinks, that person becomes. The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but their thoughts about their situation. Our thoughts have a choice about how to respond to negative situations. Our thoughts have the power to create a life that is pure heaven or pure hell. We need to develop a life of peace, happiness, and contentment. Unproductive overthinking never provides a solution. Try to look for something positive every day, even if you have to look harder some days. Nothing is permanent in this world, it's all temporary. There's always change. Don't stress yourself too much because no matter how bad your situation it could be worse. You can have results or excuses, not both. There are people in a lot worse situations than you. You don't own all the problems in the world.
God bless you.
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@mrmacabre, I concur. Living with chronic pain sucks. I can't imagine your joys and mobility being stolen for the past 10 years. When you look at yourself, you probably don't recognize the person you've become. This is not what you imagined life would be at only 66 years old.
I like the picture you paint of the times you and your wife would go for walks after dinner, steal time away together to scenic hideaways, listening to water falls together. That's why your still here! Your wife. She wants you to be here too.
I think that's a good idea to bring your wife to your next appointment. Share how these changes have impacted both your lives. Until that appointment, how might you recapture special moments together now?