1. < Mental Health

Married a Narcissist

Posted by jed1968 @jed1968, May 16 10:20am

Almost 25 years together and I finally let myself really believe it. Of course it was obvious all along. I imagined there were signs of caring & empathy. At the same time puzzled by the lack of it. Low self esteem. I didn’t really deserve it anyway. I know that’s wrong but it’s those feelings that got me here. I’ve got 2 amazing teenagers who are starting to question their mom’s self centerness. How do I cope?

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shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | May 18 12:25pm

After 31 years in court, be careful. It can be much worse trying to divorce a narcissist than being married to one - and ruinous financially

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1 reply
frouke | @frouke | May 18 1:43pm
In reply to @shmerdloff "After 31 years in court, be careful. It can be much worse trying to divorce a..." + (show)
@shmerdloff

After 31 years in court, be careful. It can be much worse trying to divorce a narcissist than being married to one - and ruinous financially

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That’s an unfair statement to make because most divorces are costly, it’s emotionally more costly if you don’t do anything. I feel that if you have survived 25 years without going to pieces then you’re a strong person, you mentioned your children are asking questions about their mother, your instincts are telling you that you have to protect them more now than ever. I’m sure that you will make the right decisions for them and yourself, best wishes.

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shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | May 18 2:29pm
In reply to @frouke "That’s an unfair statement to make because most divorces are costly, it’s emotionally more costly if..." + (show)
@frouke

That’s an unfair statement to make because most divorces are costly, it’s emotionally more costly if you don’t do anything. I feel that if you have survived 25 years without going to pieces then you’re a strong person, you mentioned your children are asking questions about their mother, your instincts are telling you that you have to protect them more now than ever. I’m sure that you will make the right decisions for them and yourself, best wishes.

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All I said was "be careful."
Divorcing a reasonable person can be expensive, but serving divorce papers on a full blown narcissist is likely to ignite a firestorm that won't extinguish. Strong as a person might be, and having the kids' best interest, dealing with a narcissist on fire can reduce the strongest of us to exasperation.
All I said was "be careful."

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1 reply
kb2014 | @kb2014 | May 18 3:16pm

Narcissism and it's traits can exist on a spectrum. Trauma in the person's background is linked to these traits. Learnjng about this help change my life for the better but I was initially devastated. For those of us with codependent traits due to trying to get along with such individuals can work on ourselves and become cycle breakers. Real hope for the future.

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frouke | @frouke | May 18 4:26pm
In reply to @shmerdloff "All I said was "be careful." Divorcing a reasonable person can be expensive, but serving divorce..." + (show)
@shmerdloff

All I said was "be careful."
Divorcing a reasonable person can be expensive, but serving divorce papers on a full blown narcissist is likely to ignite a firestorm that won't extinguish. Strong as a person might be, and having the kids' best interest, dealing with a narcissist on fire can reduce the strongest of us to exasperation.
All I said was "be careful."

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@shmerdloff, I did not mean to sound like I was being judgmental, I truly understand what you’re saying, I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with narcissistic people, what worries me is that there seems more of them today.

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1 reply
shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | May 18 5:04pm
In reply to @frouke "@shmerdloff, I did not mean to sound like I was being judgmental, I truly understand what..." + (show)
@frouke

@shmerdloff, I did not mean to sound like I was being judgmental, I truly understand what you’re saying, I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with narcissistic people, what worries me is that there seems more of them today.

Jump to this post

It's the age of Narcissism. Solid gold toilet bowls? Really? 🙂

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jed1968 | @jed1968 | May 18 8:52pm

I’m still reeling from this realization. There is some relief in understanding the truth. I am not emotionally or financially prepared to file for divorce. I still love my wife even though she is not the woman I thought I married. Still trying to figure out what to do. It’s been tremendously helpful to have this forum. Thanks 🙏

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