Married a Narcissist

I’m truly sorry for you and the situation you’re going through, I know it’s hard to live with someone who’s a narcissist for sure…I worked with a lady who is a narcissist and I had no idea what to do about having a working relationship so I started researching everything I could find out about people like her, it’s definitely not easy, she is also married with two daughters and I felt bad for her family, there’s nothing you can do about this situation because they don’t change and worst of all they don’t care what you think. I know that her husband controls the household and took most of the responsibility for the girls, he’s a great guy and stayed with her because he felt obligated to do so for the sake of his family. I think that if you’re having trouble coping then I would suggest trying therapy, if she doesn’t want to go then you should do it for yourself and your children, it will help you a lot to understand how to deal with this and most importantly the children will understand more and find ways to cope with this situation, best wishes.

Thanks for your empathy! I need it. She told me she won’t go to therapy but maybe we can do something as a couple like take a ceramics class. So it’s solo therapy for me.

@jed1968 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I believe I am married to a narcissist, also. As @frouke suggested, if couples therapy is not an option ["there's nothing wrong with me! I think you're the problem!"], please reach out and seek some help for yourself and your daughters.

Single therapy can be very beneficial. It has helped me.
Ginger

Thank you Ginger

@jed1968
I think the best you can do at this point is get individual counseling for you and your teens. See if your wife would be willing to go for couples/family counseling.

My parents were both narcissistic and my mother was also very emotionally immature. I have had many struggles throughout life because my parents were very narcissistic.

It is hard to change a narcissist so it is not really worth the effort. You want to focus on what you can change/control yourself.
1. https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-marriage-problems.html
2. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/married-to-a-narcissist/
3. https://psychologydiary.com/relationships/98685169/2025/04/narcissist-2/
4. https://mindpsychiatrist.com/what-is-it-like-to-be-married-to-a-narcissist/

Thank you. I will click those links the second I stop typing here!

Oh dear i feel for you!!ive never seen men post this type of thing before im sure many guys keep quiet and suffer so well done getting this off your chest!!i thought female narcs were called missandrists.good luck with your journey just be best dad you can and try bypass the bad stuff

Thank you!

It may help to remember that thr condition is often the result of acute or chronic trauma-usually in early childhood. The discipline finds that women develop borderline personality traits (splitting), and men develop narcissistic traits (no concept of how their self-centeredness affects others). In extreme, they are solipsistic-nothing exists until they say so.
These conditions got woven into the psyche or self as defenses over all the years of growth and development. The patient will fight, sometimes violently, not to give them up. (see Donald Kalsched)

I’m sorry you and your family have to endure this. Divorce is awful but you may have to consider it at some point, maybe try to wait until your kids are on their own if it becomes necessary. At some point your own self care has to be met.