thank you for your response. I actually have been suffering with depression for over 25 years. I am on medication for over 25 years. My psychiatrist says I have a cyclical clinical depression. I can go months with feeling great and not even being able to pull up these ideas that are in my head now where I enjoy my job I enjoy my family. I enjoy my volunteering. I can be fine for months at a time and then for whatever reason ;built-up stress or at the end of a vacation or something and I just fall into this hole I describe it as a hole with a black cloud and no color ,my heart palpitates. I don’t want to get out of bed. I can’t eat. I feel like I have nothing to live for and when I get in these conditions, thats when I start to reach out for help, I do not have a therapist. I’m trying very hard to find one here in South Florida that I can meet with in person. Someone that is about my age who has gone through things that I have gone through raising a family elderly parents, etc. I’m looking for someone like that like a friend but someone who’s a therapist. I have not had luck finding that so far . I did learn a lot of tools to use to get me out of this hole. The first one of course, you must get out of bed and brush your teeth. The next one is maybe get out in the fresh air. Do an activity , connect with a person but right now my days are filled with visiting my mom because I’m afraid I could lose her any day and my five beautiful grandchildren who I helped raise , they all now go to school and have afterschool activities so that whole stage of my life has changed. I am married. My husband still works, but we do not have a very busy social life, which is very difficult. I just look at the world and feel like what’s left for me.?