I completely understand your situation. I was an addict (which happened due to self-medicating when my ex took my kids away). I've been sober a little over seven years. My 29 y.o. daughter and I have always been close and I pretty much raised my three grandchildren (while in active addiction). So three years into my recovery, my daughter got pissed about me mentioning her parenting, and I haven't gotten to see or speak to my daughter or my grandchildren in almost five years. I've become a workaholic so I don't have to "feel" the pain because I NEVER want to turn back to self-medicating with drugs. I cry all the time too! My two youngest children were told a bunch of crap and they're now adults but still haven't wanted to see or speak to me either. When I got sober, I poured myself into being a better person (spouse, mother, daughter, grandmother, etc) than I have ever been and some days I feel like why do I even give a shit?! I pray to continue to have hope that things will change but some days are definitely way harder than others!