As I'm waiting for my medicine and starting this journey again I figured I'd give my own experience. It's been hell and embarrasing but I don't want anyone to feel alone. I got rid of it for 6 years so have hope to do it again. I've never wrote this out so it's hard reliving everything.

But starting at 12 I started noticing people commenting on a smell. I was in middle school and remembered feeling so scared and alone. It would smell up a whole class room, people and teachers would comment. I missed so many events and would remember crying and trying everything I could not to go to school. I felt like a burden and felt like I was causing anger and disappointment to everyone around me. My dad worked at the school as a custodian so it was worst and embarrassing with him seeing this. I remember he would yell at me to see if I brushed my teeth and always looked so ashamed of me. I have a twin brother that also was in the same grade that witnessed everything. The whole thing was humiliating. On top of this I was also obese and developed social anxiety.

I remember getting up at 3am to take a bath for hours every morning. I tried baking soda, laundry detergent, dawn soap, bleach, new shoes, everything. I was just a kid so didn't know any better. I tried to lose weight so ate pretty much everything that made it worst not knowing. I remember exercising for hours, just literally trying everything.

Fast forward to high-school and it was still bad. No one wanting to sit next to me, all that stuff until maybe 18. I made changes and somewhere from there to 24 it was cleared. At 18 the changes I can think of are getting on birth control, took antibiotics for a UTI, got prescribed Vyvanse, ate every 2 hours, lost the weight, etc. There's other things but maybe if someone messages me something we can find a common denominator.

Fast forward to when it started coming back. I was 24. I got covid so maybe that changed it. I also gained a lot of weight but also gained the weight back during the time period it was gone so there's more to it.

I remember whenever I got close to someone it would always smell like burnt rubber or idk. It got to the point at 25 I quit my job for a year. When looking for another one I got one at Lowes and damn it was humiliating. I liked it at first and had so much hope until someone said it smelled like burnt rubber and someone whispered to another coworker it was me. Thinking I didn't hear. That night I did everything possible to make it go away. I always had gum, perfume, hand sanitizer there, everything. The next day I had hope going in. The manager brought a fan up to the front desk, put the febreeze things in you would put in a car fan and said "you might need this". They looked at me and laughed. They also made other comments I don't wanna repeat and I was so mortified and humiliated. I told the coworker involved that I was feeling sick. She was quick to say I could go home. They were trying to run me out. I grabbed my stuff trying not to cry before I made it to the truck. When I did I broke down in tears. My parents were happy I just got this job and I they knew I still had 4 hours left. So those 4 hours I cried not wanting to tell them I quit. So I drove around crying wanting to die, thinking about crashing. Eventually I told them and got a new job at Rite Aid a few months later.
I've been here 4 months. My parents still mentioned a sewer smell. And people have made a few comments at work with the Febreeze up front. I just feel humiliated and I'm so scared I'll get fired.

But now I'm on this journey again. I do have HOPE though for all of us because like I said it was completely gone for 6 years. 100%. And it's been as bad as filling rooms. So I definitely have what you guys are describing.

I didnt think this post would be this long. But that's my whole life experience with it. I understand the defeat, humiliation, and embarrassment. But I wanna let you know your not alone. If we can get a group chat going or something I KNOW we can figure this out < 3