@spittman4962
First I did not understand your shock was via EMS not a ICD. Most of the time when EMS have to shock someone they are unconscious.

I want to pass on to you my personal experience with this and hopefully that will help you.
You are not alone in your fear of this happening and causing you axniety and stress. Both anxiety and stress can lead to more medical and mental health issues.

Back in 2016 after 10 years with a ICD/Pacemaker I got my first shock. I fainted but on my way down I felt the shock. My wife called EMS but as I got into ambulance got shocked again. Then in ER shocked, and then again in ICU shocked.

The was caused by EP turning off my pacing thinking I did not need it to reduce battery drain. But this confirmed I did need the pacing. I have a ICD/Pacemaker.

What I want to pass on to you is I developed PTSD and anxiety/panic disorder from this. It was devasting to me like you with the fear of being shocked again. And I also feared the embarassament it would cause me if out in public.

My Mayo doctors referred me to a physicatrist PA who speicalizes in medications. She gave me a test and I scored almost at the top for PTSD. Now what I am trying to say here is I recommend to you to seek out (with coordination with your EP and cardiologist) a physciatrist or psychologist who can prescribe mediations and therapy.

We I went through my consultations and took several tests written and verbal tests I was put on a medication for anxiety called Escitalopram. My medication specialist worked with my cardiologist, HF, and EP as the medication can affect electrical waves in heart but was determined okay for me. This medication really helped me along with the consultations.

Do not feel you are experiencing something others have not experienced. As you can see after my expereince I had same fear and anxiety you had. I would not even leave my home for many weeks and worried about every PVC my heart did. It is not good to have this much axniety both medically and mentally.

Now your fear of it going off. Lets go over what I was told and it influence on me. ICD has almost a 100% success rate of bringing back your heart's normal sinus rhymthm. Now it can't fix a heart attack damage but when it is electrial, like VTAC it is very successful.

Now with information from my EP he said, "Think of your ICD as your own EMS in your chest ready to help you bring back your heart rhymptm and alwasy there to help you in need." Now with that information consider how long it takes EMS to get to you and every minute your heart is not beating properly makes all the difference in damage to your heart and brain. Your ICD will monitor your rhympthm at all times. Think of that as the benefit of having one and it's benefit to your life.

Your feelings are normal and I had the same. Please let your EP know about your fear and asked them about PTSD and can they refer you to a physhiatrist as they usually do not handle PTSD treatments.

Please after you see a phychatrist and asked for medication to help you through this that time does heal. Over time you will start to be more confident and change your mind about the fear of your ICD going off to be glad it is there. I am glad mine is in me as I am only able to write this by me having one.

There are also many medication to address the reason you had the need to be shocked and that also needs to go over with your EP and cardilogist. I am on several medications that have drastically improved my PVCs and irregular heart beats.