Getting so tired of dealing with cancer: Wish I could let it go

We all need to mobilize to overcome the depression caused by this terrible disease. Thank God!, that when I found out that my tumor does not respond to chemotherapy or radiotherapy and may hyperprogress to immunotherapy with checkpoint inhibitors, I decided to start fighting alone, because the doctors I was treated, oncologists and surgeons, only said that I was unlucky and that the only thing to do was to monitor or have my entire urinary tract removed. That's how I came across oncolytic virotherapy. I've been on treatment for three months now and I feel very good. I hope it will stop the spread of the high-grade invasive urothelial carcinoma operated on a year ago. For 6 months, selective cytology has been highlighting the existence of tumor cells. But I feel good since I started treatment, I even managed to gain weight. And, at least it gives me a good feeling that I'm not waiting for the end without fighting. I think I'm a fighter, and I thank God that he gives me the strength to fight every day. I hope these lines give you an encouragement, especially because, as a Vet, you have innocent souls around you, innocent souls who need you! Good luck and keep your head up!

Fighting two cancers for almost two years, I can certainly understand the frustration; I will be 83 this month and continue with Keytruda immunotherapy. As I have stated before, my philosophy is to just take one day at a time, some good days and some not so good. There is nothing I can do other than to enjoy each day I am able to do the daily things of life. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Keeping a positive attitude each day has helped me so far cope with some really bad days after tests and procedures. Stay positive and put the disease in the back of your mind is the only advice I can give.

I know I just have to deal with it the best that I can.

I know I don't have it worse that a lot of other people, I'm lucky I have the VA behind me and a very supportive wife and son and that's all I can ask for.

Unfortunately, I think there is a good chance I got it from being stationed at Camp Lejeune.

This old veteran can really understand your position. I hope that you have people near you for support. I don't believe in platitudes, though as a vet I believe you have the skill set to take this on. I might also suggest that you ask your Docs for a recommendation to a counselor that is skilled in assisting cancer patients.

I believe you can, and truly hope that you believe you can.

@ronc531, I appreciate your honesty. Even with a supportive family around you, cancer can be isolating. It can help to talk with others like @mapleskoff @ronsale and @dbdb who get it. Your cancer center may also have a specialized social worker that you can speak to. Oncology social work is an often overlooked service offered at large cancer centers. You may find this blog post, written by the Mayo Clinc oncology social work team, helpful to learn more
- How an Oncology Social Worker Can Help https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/cancer-education-center/newsfeed-post/how-an-oncology-social-worker-can-help/

@ronc531, have you thought about talking with an oncology social worker? How are you doing today?

@ronc531 May I tell you something, honestly, as one fellow cancer patient to another? Your experience is your experience. Please, please, please do not try to downplay it, saying, "I know I don't have it worse that a lot of other people". Yes, you have a supportive family, and the VA. You also have concerns/fears/tears, just as we all do. And it's okay to recognize that.

I have had to take the time to search for those who will let me be me. I listen to a few support groups based on my type of cancer. I have spoken to the clinical social worker at my cancer center for their words of wisdom and resources. We all get tired. Talk to your medical team and ask if you can modify your treatment plan to give you a bit of a break, even though it might be only a month or two.
Ginger

Thanks Ginger,

i had a meeting with a therapist last week and didn't realize how much I had been holding back. I brock down 4 times and I am not that type.

It was nice to release some of the stress that had been building up.

I did meet with a therapist last week and will be meeting with her every 2 or 3 weeks. She gave me some drugs for stress and anxiety as well as something to help me sleep.

Doctors also started me on Oxycodone for the pain

@ronc531 We often try to be so strong for others, and ourselves. Understanding that we don't need to "be strong" all the time is a hard concept, isn't it? For me, the inside stuff kept building up, fortunately not to the exploding point [but close].

I do a lot of writing out my thoughts from inside, or drawing them out. Perhaps that might be a path to take? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/journaling-the-write-stuff-for-you/ can offer you some ideas. I have also seen a marvelous psychologist who specializes in PTSD from a veteran's standpoint and chronic health patient standpoint.

Good for you, taking that brave step to reach out!
Ginger

I feel you. I been dealing with kidney cancer among others I had. The Army gave me these cancers as I was exposed to toxins and radiation. I too am considering stopping all treatments and just let it take its course. I can’t deal with all the side effects and the quality of life. I want a break of it and just be ready for when the time comes. I want quality over quantity. Just make sure you have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ in your life. He will takes us home on his terms and not on doctors terms. Most doctors lack empathy and understanding of what we are going through and the VA is worst when it comes to understanding pain.
Wish you well and lot of quality in your life buddy.