Hey @rparsons, We all hear you, buddy! I think about this crap every GD day- when I wake up, when I look in the mirror, when I see young guys bopping around care-free… it reminds me what I’ve lost but then I think of others far worse off.
If you ever want to feel better about yourself and your situation, Google something like “Ukranian battle injuries”. Click on “images” and then sit back and watch the horror unfold.
You think WE lost something?? You think we are flawed? Guys 19 yrs old with all four limbs gone; no faces, no eyes… mutilated and forced to actually live like that in a country that no longer has sidewalks or hospitals, let alone handicapped ramps, motorized wheelchairs and support groups like this one.
We too, have lost something; we too, have suffered a catastrophic event which stays with us and won’t give us rest or peace…
But we didn’t lose it at 19. We can still SEE, walk, run, pick up a forkful of food and put it in an actual mouth and CHEW.
I’m really torn about posting something like this - and it’s surely NOT aimed at you, bud, but all of us - me especially cause I’ve been the worst at what you describe. Your post simply elicited some thoughts that have been swirling around in my confused and conflicted brain. We really need to reset our expectations, dammit!
We all love, love, LOVE @hans Casteels thoughts for the day; they really get to the nub of our feelings, our shared humiliations, our collective loss of manhood - all of it.
But there really IS another side to all this. I guess you’d have to call it perspective? Relative? Comparative?
Is our daily anxiety about our cancer returning really worth all this wasteful energy? Aren’t there people on this forum living that scary notion RIGHT NOW?? Living pretty good lives, to hear them tell it?
Would any of them trade any of their pain, suffering or side effects for no hands? No feet?
A dirty drinking straw for a catheter, because there weren’t any clean, sterile ones? I really don’t think so…I really don’t.
I’m not a fan of the word “blessed” because I straddle both the camps of atheism and agnosticism; so let’s say “fortunate” perhaps? Fortunate that we have a cancer that CAN be treated and CAN be stopped. Not cured, so boo-hoo…Fortunate that we live in a time that better, less invasive treatments are now offered…Fortunate that drugs like Orgovyx stop our cancer in its tracks and more are coming….
Fortunate that when we sit down at the dinner table tonight with our loved ones we can see their faces; that we can feed ourselves, that we can taste how good that food is and how that next episode of your favorite Netflix series is on in a half hour. Our lives are good!!
Think of all this - and then think of those poor mutilated soldiers; and then tell me what any of us have to be anxious or fearful about…
Apologies to @hans Casteels for any use of proprietary content I may have stolen in the construction of this purgative - and unasked for - tirade…
Best to All,
Phil