Hi there .... well, today my daughter and I looked at some apartments, which I couldn't afford. Monday there is another place which I could, but I've asked several close friends in Frederick, to be praying for me heartily. My neighbor, and my one and only friend down here, called me late this afternoon and asked if I thought some of my discomfort here was due to my X being in relatively close proximity. That hit me like a 2 x 4 because I'd had quite a round with him last week and he went into his typical narcissistic mode, once again making me feel like pond scum. And of course, now I think of all the things I "should" have said. I've also had a friend in MD ask me the same thing saying, "I wouldn't want to live near my X, and mine isn't even a narcissist." Wow, that really got me thinking ...... does that play more of a role in this than I thought? I know it's in there some, but could it be more? Narcissists have a way of demeaning everyone around them by their words and actions, and they come off looking like the "all knowing one." This situation was exactly that, and internally my insides coiled. I may have said this before, but when we divorced I had a sizeable inheritance from my Dad. I went with a Financial Planner who was recommended but who turned out to be a mini Bernie Madolff. Between that and the crash in 2008, it's pretty much month to month for me. Since I had the inheritance, when we worked out the divorce agreement, I did not ask for alimony, nor to stay on his life insurance. My lawyer totally disagreed, but I thought I wouldn't need it since I am not a big spender and had Dad's resources from when he died. Well, now here I am. My X knows what happened. I wrote him and very gently measuring my words, told him my situation and asked him if he thought he could help me out a little bit each month. WELL ..... he took off ..... I got "the lecture" .... he told me I was just making him feel guilty, and I should not have gone with that F.A. in the first place and if I'd have listened to him, blah, blah, blah. All this from a man who bought 2 acres, built a huge 2 story home, take one big trip every year with our son - England, Hawaii, etc. After that I got angry and we had some not so nice back and forth. He does not realize that after 40 years of marriage, staying home with our 3 kids and giving up my career, that I could have practically skinned him of everything he had. But, I wanted to be nice, and I didn't need it. I don't think it can be done, but I'm reading through my divorce papers and other legal documents to see if the case can be reopened since things have changed so much for me, and his attitude is the way it is. I know that sounds vindictive, and I am not a vindictive person, but gee it would be nice not to have to count every penny, and maybe actually be able to go to the Smokies this summer and whitewater raft. dilemma, dilemma I'm going to have to think more seriously about moving back to Frederick and my condo. Maybe I shouldn't be so close to him.
abby