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My wife suddenly died next to me after 40 WONDERFUL years of marriage
I was married for 40 spectacular years. She died next to me in bed almost instantly having an MI ( heart attack) in bd next to me. I still cry every single day. My two sons said that their mm and I were closer that they have ever known. Needless to say, it was like a ton to f bricks hitting me in the head!! Psychiatrist prescribed four anti-depressants to take at bedtime. My medication list looks like an old inventory of Walgreens. I tried dating 3x but none of them worked out. I paid for three expensive dinners and it was a waste of money. Yup , heart my SS. My sone who is an Alzheimer’s and Dementia expert told me I should have gone to three coffee shops, but it felt cheap doing it that way. After dinner two of them just got up and went to their cars, and the third at least said thank you and good bye. Hey, I am no Brad Pitt but I am no Quasimodo either. So now I don’t know where to turn. I hardly ever see or talk to my sons since they are both very busy! I told one of my daughters-in-laws that I was upset about losing my wife. Her immediate response was “You know your son lost a mother and you forget that!” What, anyway just needed to talk to someone and let it out. Yes, had a therapist but it was a waste of time! Both my sons said I am too trusting and too giving. Is that a fault ? Not to me.
Anyway, that is my story and I’m tired of taking all those meds. Physician said don’t stop taking them. I’ll see how it goes from here on. No more dating for me. It wasn’t the money I spent, it was the hurt of hate three women just walk away from me. So now, time will tell!!
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Daughter in law.
Ah, okay. Now that you mention it, it should have been obvious.
not all women are terrible find out more about them before you take them to a fancy meal.
Great advice, thank you but no more dates for me!
I’m confused. You seem clear that you married for life, yet angry that the three women clearly saw you were not there for them. (What was the evening like from their perspective? How many dinners like that have they experienced? )Own the love of your life. I would rather you talked about her, the grief you feel in having lost her physical presence. Clearly, she is still with you in spirit. We don’t celebrate enough the people who positively touched us and then moved on to another plane. You wear the ring. Walk the walk. I was very close to someone who talked about her husband as if he had recently died but I knew her for twenty years and he had already been dead ten years. She loved and was true to him till the day she died. She found other ways to connect with people, but found ways to honor her connection with him by telling us stories about him, as well, especially dates that held special memories.
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3 ReactionsP. S. Remember what it was like for you when you were your son’s age. He has a family to support. What are your grandchildren’s activities? Start showing up for them. You are the one with the more flexible schedule. They will get to know their grandmother through you but are they ready? They may need the focus on them first.
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4 ReactionsThank you! One sone if 43 and is a specialist in Dementia:Alzheimer’s patients, and my other sone is z40 and works for a huge company called ADP. They are always busy with their children which is why I don’t see them too often!
@dennismm - I posted about my wife passing away at home in mid Feb after 52 terrific years of marriage. It was unexpected and shocked the daylights out of me. It can impact you for a long time. I'm attending an in-person support group meeting once a week and is for those who lost a spouse or companion. After a few weeks of attending the meetings, I have come to realize that grief is not a destination to get to. and it's over. It is a journey. A good friend of mine is in her mid 90's and her husband passed away 23 years ago. In Oct of 2024, she was driving, and a song came on the radio that she and her husband liked, always danced to. She had to pull over and she had a good cry. Same happened to me a week ago. A song by the Carpenters was special to us. So, I guess no surprise 10 years later, you feel like you do. In my opinion, we each need to find out how to best live through this journey. I am still learning. Best to you.
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3 ReactionsHere is a quote from Ricky Gervais that really spoke to me: 'Grief is like a heavy backpack. It doesn't get any lighter, but you better at carrying it."