Thanks @nohrt4me. I'm one of those people to whom diet and exercise is important, and has been part of my lifestyle forever. So, even though cognitively I totally get it, it's not my fault, or, I could not have done anything to have prevented it, it's SO helpful to hear you say that "it's SO helpful for cancer patients to hear that the cancer is not their fault! Haha, and yes, I'm just one of these 'responsible ' people, and somehow have this idea that I 'should' have done better, like maybe there were a few glasses of wine too much. Add to his that I did not even have an aspirin in the house at time of diagnosis, have been lucky enough to not have needed long term meds, and literally never have an ache or pain or sniffle, the whole thing felt like a blow to the head.