@strongsurvivor, like @royce said, you are not alone in sharing these feelings of guilt. It's easy now to cast blame on yourself and ask why you couldn't be more patient, have taken more time, etc. But the now is not what your reality was while you were actively caring for your husband that this dreadful disease had dramatically changed.

It's impossible to be patient 24/7 when the behaviors and stresses were constant, your sleep was likely irregular, and you able to do little if anything for your own health and self care.

Remember your husband as he was, the fun times, the things that bring a smile to your face (even with some tears), but without guilt. Imagine that you are your best friend right now. What support, kindness and forgiveness would you give to your friend who might be in your shoes? Would you want them to feel guilty?

Be kind to yourself.